Murdoch
Biomedical Science
soxy_gal@hotmail.com; jac_soxy@yahoo.com.sg
20031987
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Sunday, November 30, 2008
i got drunk
got hit on by guys i noe and dont
started crying like a total sore loser
called sean and bawled my eyes out
such a terrible night
he was so not happy
got hit on by guys i noe and dont
started crying like a total sore loser
called sean and bawled my eyes out
such a terrible night
he was so not happy
Friday, November 28, 2008
cried all night
now i'm awake at 6am
crying again
y do i have tis feeling he's going to break up w me?
dun do tis to me... pls...
now i'm awake at 6am
crying again
y do i have tis feeling he's going to break up w me?
dun do tis to me... pls...
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
y are u crying now?
its nutting he was juz tired
y are u so bothered by it?
he juz needed to rest coz he has wrk early tmr
he has already assured u tt we'll go to the beach
he juz needed to slp
he didnt mean to be so cold towards u
there's nutting wrong
there's nutting going on
stop ur nonsense
stop ur thots
y do u always think so much?
y do u have to analyse every single situation?
y do u have to look into every single small detail?
u need to stop
u need to stop crying
it isnt helping
u need to fucking stop
its nutting he was juz tired
y are u so bothered by it?
he juz needed to rest coz he has wrk early tmr
he has already assured u tt we'll go to the beach
he juz needed to slp
he didnt mean to be so cold towards u
there's nutting wrong
there's nutting going on
stop ur nonsense
stop ur thots
y do u always think so much?
y do u have to analyse every single situation?
y do u have to look into every single small detail?
u need to stop
u need to stop crying
it isnt helping
u need to fucking stop
tis sux. i hate myself. now tt exams are over and tt a huge burden was suddenly lifted off my shoulder but i feel so empty. wad is tis?! i'm supposed to be happy n free. but y do i feel depressed? wads tt nagging feeling tts bothering me the whole day?
1 thing i noe for sure is the fact tt sean will def go back to his clubbing n drinking habits n get drunk every single fucking day. n i hate it. i'm fine wif the occasional drunken days juz for fun.. but not every weekend. tho its been onli 1 day after the exams, but i can foresee tt frm happening.
wads bothering me the most is the fact tt everytime he goes out drinking, he forgets abt me. its like he disappeared for a day, no sms nutting, n den POOF! appear in my life again, but tis time drunk as hell. tt was wad happened last night. aft our last paper, i didnt hear frm him the whole freaking day and at 1am he text me drunk n wanted me to see him. like who am i to him? a nanny? so i told him tis morning to pls at least inform me where he's at. i'm not his fucking part-time gf...
aniway, its been days since i've put up some visuals, so here goes.
juz random stuff.
wen i'm bored frm studying.
nerve endings
after exams.
bored
sometimes i feel so tired being wif sean. i feel like i'm constantly running against a stubborn brick wall which doesnt budge no matter wad i do.
Friday, November 21, 2008
i've been talking to a fren abt her ex bf n wad kind of an idiot he is.. plus all the other idiots in the whole world.. n went to fish out tis phrase i wrote to my ex bf abt 2 yrs ago...
no i wont talk to u abt my probs. really sorry. coz having to talk to u onli adds to my sorrows, knowing tt u're there somewhere, n tt i cant reach out to u. i am trying my best to forget u as soon as possible. every single time i tink of u n wondering where u were, wad u were doing.. all i cld tink of is tt u're out wif ying xi, having fun. n tt thot hurts, it hurts so much.
u promised way back wen we patched tt u will nv hurt me again, n u did, again. if things were left to the pt wen breaking up was for my benefits of studying in aust, things wldnt have gone so bad. we cld still remain as frens. prob it aint ur fault entirely, guess i'm to blame too. guess i'm not worth ur wait. guess i'm not worth having u whole heartedly.
so wad makes u tink i can tell u my probs like nutting happened btwn us? u're also part of tis probs. so pls... if u really wanna help me... help me forget abt u... stop contacting me. i loved u too much. n u've hurt me too much.
n omg.. i feel so proud of myself for being so brave! honestly i tink i got over him really fast.. comparing to my frens who had been hurt by their ex. *pats self*
i'm glad it happened aniway. like how i always tell ppl.. when a door slams into ur face, 2 other doors will open up for u. i'm thnkful to be able to be here, i may not be in vet but at least i'm fighting to get into it... at least there is a chance n i'm so close to getting it. n i'm thnkful.. so thnkful.. to meet sean. =)
yes the future may be blur for us.. n i'm not sure abt his plans for us..
he may not noe how to make his moves, he may be shy as hell...
he may always make me disappointed n angry n upset all the time
he may be short, buffed and look angry all the time (LOL!).
i may have to guess his moves all the fucking time.
he may not be the best bf eva...
but i love every day n moment i still have him
i treasure wad he does for me
i enjoy knowing the fact tt he tinks of me everyday
i like how he explains to me abt his assignments ever-oh-so-in-detail, tho i dun understand a damn wad he's talking abt.
i love how he shares vids and pics of cats with me
i love how he looks at me
i love no matter how absurdly ugly i look in the morning, he'll kiss me n say i look beautiful
and i totally love the mutual understanding of "i love u" altho its only mentioned once a mnth.
man i can go on n on... tinking of him makes me wanna cry!!! omg. hahhaa...
i like being submerged in ur contradictions dear
coz here we are.
=)))) wad a beautiful mess this is
no i wont talk to u abt my probs. really sorry. coz having to talk to u onli adds to my sorrows, knowing tt u're there somewhere, n tt i cant reach out to u. i am trying my best to forget u as soon as possible. every single time i tink of u n wondering where u were, wad u were doing.. all i cld tink of is tt u're out wif ying xi, having fun. n tt thot hurts, it hurts so much.
u promised way back wen we patched tt u will nv hurt me again, n u did, again. if things were left to the pt wen breaking up was for my benefits of studying in aust, things wldnt have gone so bad. we cld still remain as frens. prob it aint ur fault entirely, guess i'm to blame too. guess i'm not worth ur wait. guess i'm not worth having u whole heartedly.
so wad makes u tink i can tell u my probs like nutting happened btwn us? u're also part of tis probs. so pls... if u really wanna help me... help me forget abt u... stop contacting me. i loved u too much. n u've hurt me too much.
n omg.. i feel so proud of myself for being so brave! honestly i tink i got over him really fast.. comparing to my frens who had been hurt by their ex. *pats self*
i'm glad it happened aniway. like how i always tell ppl.. when a door slams into ur face, 2 other doors will open up for u. i'm thnkful to be able to be here, i may not be in vet but at least i'm fighting to get into it... at least there is a chance n i'm so close to getting it. n i'm thnkful.. so thnkful.. to meet sean. =)
yes the future may be blur for us.. n i'm not sure abt his plans for us..
he may not noe how to make his moves, he may be shy as hell...
he may always make me disappointed n angry n upset all the time
he may be short, buffed and look angry all the time (LOL!).
i may have to guess his moves all the fucking time.
he may not be the best bf eva...
but i love every day n moment i still have him
i treasure wad he does for me
i enjoy knowing the fact tt he tinks of me everyday
i like how he explains to me abt his assignments ever-oh-so-in-detail, tho i dun understand a damn wad he's talking abt.
i love how he shares vids and pics of cats with me
i love how he looks at me
i love no matter how absurdly ugly i look in the morning, he'll kiss me n say i look beautiful
and i totally love the mutual understanding of "i love u" altho its only mentioned once a mnth.
man i can go on n on... tinking of him makes me wanna cry!!! omg. hahhaa...
i like being submerged in ur contradictions dear
coz here we are.
=)))) wad a beautiful mess this is
Sunday, November 16, 2008
its sad how life needs to end somehow or somewhere.. at any pt of time.. =(
sean had a cat, blackie, since he was 10. now he's 28.. so blackie's already 18.. close to 19. i've saw him b4 n boy was he an old cat. but healthy nonetheless!! was surprised how well they looked aft him.. cats normally can onli live till 13.. 19 is way pass their normal life-span.
so he's way too old to do anything but to slp. recently he's been losing a hell lot of weight and vomitting.. n he has arthritis. sean n his mom hates how much he's suffering... n his mom's gonna put him down tmr.
i'm not against it.. in fact i tink its better. like wad eunice said, at least let him go with dignity, without having to go thru pain like spasms or other illnesses. he's lived a long life... an excellent one in fact.
its sad tho.. having to let go someone u love and had been wif u for so long. the thot of blackie going makes me sad.. seeing sean sad makes me sad. but tts life huh... everyone has to go.
baby, kitty heaven is a much better place.
sean had a cat, blackie, since he was 10. now he's 28.. so blackie's already 18.. close to 19. i've saw him b4 n boy was he an old cat. but healthy nonetheless!! was surprised how well they looked aft him.. cats normally can onli live till 13.. 19 is way pass their normal life-span.
so he's way too old to do anything but to slp. recently he's been losing a hell lot of weight and vomitting.. n he has arthritis. sean n his mom hates how much he's suffering... n his mom's gonna put him down tmr.
i'm not against it.. in fact i tink its better. like wad eunice said, at least let him go with dignity, without having to go thru pain like spasms or other illnesses. he's lived a long life... an excellent one in fact.
its sad tho.. having to let go someone u love and had been wif u for so long. the thot of blackie going makes me sad.. seeing sean sad makes me sad. but tts life huh... everyone has to go.
baby, kitty heaven is a much better place.
Friday, November 14, 2008
everyone's dancing religiously while i'm stuck here in
lazy useless "artless" perth,
at a dead boring university with no life,
with a guild that only knows how to complain,
buried under my books and notes.
so useless. i'm not using any parts of my body (xcept my brain) and i'm getting FAT!
lazy useless "artless" perth,
at a dead boring university with no life,
with a guild that only knows how to complain,
buried under my books and notes.
so useless. i'm not using any parts of my body (xcept my brain) and i'm getting FAT!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
i'm so boredddd... studies are killing meee!!!
Saturday, November 08, 2008
yest was snoop dogg concert. woke up at 4pm today but i'm feeling sooo exhausted now.
omg there were sooo many ppl and everyone arnd were smoking weed.. i almost choked to death but got used to it soon aft. i swear i tink i've damaged like half my lungs. lol. sean did4 puffs and he was so high.. den stoned. lol. the concert overall wasnt amazing.. they had 3 guest bands to play first before snoop comes out. fucking hell.. we waited to close 1 and a half hrs wen it was his turn to come out. i swear i almost died!! it was sooo freaking boring and they were playing the worse songs ever. and there were 2 fat dumb blondes dancing nxt to me.. which pissed me off even more coz they were the onli 2 dancing to blardy stupid childish songs and they cldnt dance for nuts. prob high on sumthing.
so we went back to the village aft the concert and went to diff flats to drink more. sean was like wasted.. his best fren, simon and i were high. we den went back to sean's flat to watch vids n crash. sean n i had tis huge drunken fight and arguement. NOT GOOD. it was soooo heated. he splashed alcohol into my facee!!! i had intensions to hurt him.. seriously. it was that bad. simon was trying so hard to make peace. hahaa.. but we soon kissed and made up. drunk ppl doing dumb things. lol.
oh he sent me another of bruce's pic. so freaking cute!!! omg..
omg there were sooo many ppl and everyone arnd were smoking weed.. i almost choked to death but got used to it soon aft. i swear i tink i've damaged like half my lungs. lol. sean did4 puffs and he was so high.. den stoned. lol. the concert overall wasnt amazing.. they had 3 guest bands to play first before snoop comes out. fucking hell.. we waited to close 1 and a half hrs wen it was his turn to come out. i swear i almost died!! it was sooo freaking boring and they were playing the worse songs ever. and there were 2 fat dumb blondes dancing nxt to me.. which pissed me off even more coz they were the onli 2 dancing to blardy stupid childish songs and they cldnt dance for nuts. prob high on sumthing.
so we went back to the village aft the concert and went to diff flats to drink more. sean was like wasted.. his best fren, simon and i were high. we den went back to sean's flat to watch vids n crash. sean n i had tis huge drunken fight and arguement. NOT GOOD. it was soooo heated. he splashed alcohol into my facee!!! i had intensions to hurt him.. seriously. it was that bad. simon was trying so hard to make peace. hahaa.. but we soon kissed and made up. drunk ppl doing dumb things. lol.
some pics at the snoop concert...
known each other since 12. lol
oh he sent me another of bruce's pic. so freaking cute!!! omg..ina n i found tis injured bird struggling at a grass patch in the village. i rang eunice up and she drove me to the vet hosp. the nurse said it'll prob be euthanised. sobs. =( owell at least it dun hafta suffer.
the bird looks kinda ugly here. but it was really cute. poor thing.
ok time to mug. argh.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
i'm gonna hand tis up today along with my transcripts, personal statement and testimonials. juz recieved a testimonial from my chem unit coordinator and it was AWESOME! wish me luck ppl... i really wan to make it in.btw.. i love how tis rose blooms..
a lil nap and back to the books.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
the migraine inducing lab report.
i've been having bad migraines since yest night. aft 3 hrs of slp aft class tis morning.. i'm back in the lib wrking on my lab report. theres still a small tinge of headache.. i hate migraines..
i'm desperate for some happiness substrates to inactivate the regressors and thus allow the transcription of DNAs into mRNAs and the translation of relaxation enzymes for the release of endorphines. i call tis the hap operon.
oh the suture lines in my brain case are expanding..
pls ignore the last 2 para... i'm juz spewing nonsense.
i've been having bad migraines since yest night. aft 3 hrs of slp aft class tis morning.. i'm back in the lib wrking on my lab report. theres still a small tinge of headache.. i hate migraines..i'm desperate for some happiness substrates to inactivate the regressors and thus allow the transcription of DNAs into mRNAs and the translation of relaxation enzymes for the release of endorphines. i call tis the hap operon.
oh the suture lines in my brain case are expanding..
pls ignore the last 2 para... i'm juz spewing nonsense.
Monday, November 03, 2008
tis is bad i dun have the mood to study animore. was supposed to start on the lab report since sat but nutting's been done. now i'm up trying to start on sumthing but still nutting.
onli 2 more weeks to the exams. i'm panicking so much but my body's not responding. everytime i open the books.. my mind go blank. i've not done any solid studies for a very long time.. most of the studies i've done are only stored in my temporary memory and they're all gone.
i need to buck up. i really need to.
sean's unresponsiveness is not helping. he's so unresponsive to wad i do juz gets me so frustrated. i feel like i've been rejected again and again and again. he really need to do sumthing abt tis relationship sumtimes. i cant be the one tts trying so hard. but now's not the time to get bothered by tis. i need to get over it.
met up wif kc today. he's here in perth to settle some family issues. 14 yrs of frenship.. since we were 7 in pri 1. man... its somehow scary to noe how much we've both grown. it was a nice lil meeting.. dinner was AWESOME. korea bbq.. yum yum. i was so fuuulll.. there goes my diet. lol.
hehe.. i rem he used to like me in pri sch but nv dare tell me. den in sec sch we contacted each other again. aft many phone calls and overnight chats, he confessed. and den i forgot wad happened... hahaa.. we juz moved on. lol. oh man.. those days.. i miss being young!! (chey... say until like i very old.. lol)
haiz.. shall juz go to bed. no pt trying to do my report now.
onli 2 more weeks to the exams. i'm panicking so much but my body's not responding. everytime i open the books.. my mind go blank. i've not done any solid studies for a very long time.. most of the studies i've done are only stored in my temporary memory and they're all gone.
i need to buck up. i really need to.
sean's unresponsiveness is not helping. he's so unresponsive to wad i do juz gets me so frustrated. i feel like i've been rejected again and again and again. he really need to do sumthing abt tis relationship sumtimes. i cant be the one tts trying so hard. but now's not the time to get bothered by tis. i need to get over it.
met up wif kc today. he's here in perth to settle some family issues. 14 yrs of frenship.. since we were 7 in pri 1. man... its somehow scary to noe how much we've both grown. it was a nice lil meeting.. dinner was AWESOME. korea bbq.. yum yum. i was so fuuulll.. there goes my diet. lol.
hehe.. i rem he used to like me in pri sch but nv dare tell me. den in sec sch we contacted each other again. aft many phone calls and overnight chats, he confessed. and den i forgot wad happened... hahaa.. we juz moved on. lol. oh man.. those days.. i miss being young!! (chey... say until like i very old.. lol)
haiz.. shall juz go to bed. no pt trying to do my report now.