always.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Westside story wasnt as gd as i tot it wld be. yes, the dance choreo was great, nearing perfection.. the singing was powerful.. but.. they were talking too fast, or had too heavy accents, i cld barely understand wad they were saying, had to read the chi subtitles flashed on the 2 tiny screens at the sides, n i'm not very gd at reading chi words. gosh. but oh well.. come to tink of it.. can we be as gd as em? can we dance as well? or sing as well? those ppl had yrs of training aft all..

watched the wild wif dear yest. farnie! freaking cute man! i like the koala bear.. soo cute.. hahaha! "i am cute, and i like you!" hahahaha!! farnie man. but the story line was kinda cliche. poor him, was having a headache n bad tummy ache. haiz. hope he's fine.

less than a week to dancesport competition. =S

Thursday, April 27, 2006

how i wish tt i can tear my feet off.. its hurting soo much. a mere touch of water sends needles of pain all over... argh. all thnx to the new dance shoes, the freaking back is so freaking hard tt its constantly rubbing agnst the back of my legs. now they're both bleeding, coz i had to wear it for pract. n now tt melvin is playing faster songs, i had to keep up wif the beat while endure the freaking pain. but thnx to my dear partner's care n "great" st john skills, it felt soo much more better aft he helped put on the plasters. =D

oh yea. n as he promised, n discussed, i felt tt we did pretty ok wif pract today. tho there r definitely room for improvements. there always will be. yep yep.. n its pretty cool watching him dance! the slight "sissyness" was thrown faar away. =)

went to meet deardear aft dinner. haiz.. love him so much. there's juz sumthing.. i dunno wad.. aniway, juz hope tt he can learn dancing wif me. but guess it wont happen. ah well.. i'll still love him no matter wad. =)

onli 1 wk more to dancesport comp!! aarrgh!

i was so touched today tt i have to blog abt it. may sound nutting much to others.. but it meant so much to me. was singing "Best Friends" during the musical pract today n i cant help but tink of lionel. i even felt tears welling up, kinda weird.. coz i didnt expect it.. shows how much it is to me having him as a fren. den i got pretty upset wif him aft modern dance coz of the competition pract clashing wif a contemp dance class we're gonna sign up for. he den sent me tis msg which touched me soo much:

i noe u r not happy just now. I'm sorry but i wanna tell u tat i'll definately do my best n put my best in the competition. i hope u'll understand n tomorrow v'll prac n perfect the steps as if v r in our competition liau. Btw ricky's class will b postpone 2 3rd week of may. i'm so sorry 4 wat has happen these few week, i'll change myself. Hope u won't be upset.

copied exactly wad he sent, coz the msg is juz so him, n i wanna maintain tt. yea.. aniway.. whoever reading tis.. he's a great fren to me.. n DO NOT! i repeat.. DO NOT! mistaken it as loving him romantically.. i have a bf, n its not him.

he's someone i dont wish to lose even aft poly... but well... we'll nv noe the future.

Friday, April 21, 2006

gonna complain ALOT.

was supposed to meet him today at arnd 9.45pm. first he said to meet at outram.. den he said to meet at paya lebar... den he said to meet at bugis. haiz. rushed like hell frm jurong east... missed the freaking bus.. took like onli 5 mins to bathe n change.. n the nxt thing i noe.. diaghoea hit me. it was pretty bad. felt like shit. plus, was kinda exhuasted frm the musical n dance perf in the aftnoon, plus the xtra excertion of energy for rushing home. wen he called to change n meet at bugis.. my brain juz went dead.. so.. i cancelled our meeting.. n i'm home.. home sweet home. feels soo gd. onli tt my neck is aching.. n my intestines kept growling. too much water retention. bad.. really bad... foresee a bad diaghoea. =(

stupid lionel accidentally kicked my slipper... n it broke!! aarrgh. it was soo freaking embarrassing to drag the spoiled slipper all the way frm dover to jurong. everyone was looking! argh. bought a slipper for 13.90 at some "pushcart" store... felt soo gd having a proper slipper.

musical perf was crap... dance perf was crap too. utter crap. we cant hear ourselves for the musical.. the so-called "dance" choreo was stupid n rather childish.. i tink i danced like crap for modern... was toppling all over the place... cldnt find my balance.. it was bad.. juz wasnt prepared enuff... both mentally n physically.

exhausted... work's not done.. stress... busy...

the musical's taking too much time of sch.. i hate missing lessons.. my lecturers dun look happy...
modern n dancesport lessons are always so tiring... can barely do my work wen i get home...
there's sooo much work to do for my proj...
gonna spend more money for shoes n costumes for dancesport competition... i tink i look crappy in costumes coz i'm FAT. Hope said lionel n i r the better couple amgnst the others.. which pressurizes me even MORE.

i tot i told myself to drop all committments n conc on studies? guess i cant.. i'm too attached to dance. y oh y did i even try for the audition to get into the musical?

wad have i gotten myself into?!~ i need a good massage.. i need some rest... i juz wanna conc on my studies!!! like... its already yr 3... cant grad wif bad results rite?! aaahhh..

Sunday, April 16, 2006

i feel so disconnected frm tis world. dun feel like i belonged.. like there's nutting to have.. nutting to lose. but i noe wad i'm feeling is not true. prob juz another bad phase i'm going thru. i miss him... but yet i dont... wanna see him.. but.. yet.. i dont have to. wanna cry.. but i cant. dunno how to react to wad i'm feeling now. its weird... feels like i'm leaving soon... n tt.. i'm slowing letting things go. feels terrible.. like a bomb silently waiting to explode. wanna cry.. wanna let it out so much.

had been arguing wif him. every single time we start chatting. there's always sumthing to argue abt. n unlike b4.. wen i can pretend like i'm fine in front of my frens.. it'll affect my mood.. drastically. yest, i felt so upset over our arguement tt i started having a really bad headache. all i wanted to do was get home n hide. n today, haiz.. we didnt argue.. juz felt troubled.. tt all i wanna do was close my eyes n go into deep slp. guess i really do miss him.. so much tt my heart went numb.

can i slp n nv wake up?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

new blog skin!! wahaha.. not slpy in the office today! SURPRISED! nutting much to say today. spent half of my lunch time, n slightly 15mins over.. to search n change my blog skin.

yest... was SLPY! yesh. extremely. fell aslp without realising. quite torturous. called lionel to meet for dinner at the very last min. n being such a sweety, he dropped his plan of cutting his hair. isnt he such a great fren?! oh gosh... urgent proj juz came. bbl!
ok.. back. we had carl's jr! wooo hoo... ddeelliiCIOUS! n fattening. eeks.

aft carls, i went for lightology, he left. watched the company pract. its nice maan. i like the ballet part!! NICEE! jap ppl r sooo creative. den the worse came! we had to showcase wad we wanna perform. my heart beat was going soooo fast it affected my voice. it was trembling throughout the whole period wen i was singing. ARGH!

aft lightology.. was carl's AGAIN! watched rach n marc eat. had their fries n drinks. hehe.

blaaah. tmr's the last day of work!! wooo hoo! ok back to work!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

15 mins more b4 my lunch break ends. gonna take tis last few mins to blog since i'm done wif eating. aint as lonely as yest, wen i had to get food alone... had vener to acc me. but we had takeaways.. came back to the office to eat instead. was kinda awkward going out wif him.. but overall was ok i guess... coz he was joking n chattin. tho a tad weird. *shrugs* onli 2 more days till end of itp aniway. CANT WAIT!

dance yest was.. well ok i guess... didnt perform as well... felt really stiff n constrained. cldnt feel the dance.. was quite disappointed. pract wif lionel on our cha cha... wasnt tt gd too.. where's the feel?! aarrggh. soo worried now. plus i wont be able to attend dancesport practices on wed n thurs. aaarrgghh! n my singing.. OMGGG!! its bad... bad... realllly bad. i'm starting to wonder if i shld be in the musical. i mean... comparing to the others who got in.. i'm like.. BAADD! my singing sux la.. wonder how i cld actually be selected. was kinda panicking. furthermore sing for lightology?! i dont tink so man.. ppl prob throw rotten eggs at me. =_(

N YET AGAIN!!! i made dear wait for meeee! aaarrrggghhh!! guilt stricken!! GUILTY AS CHARGED!! AAARRRGGH! *whams head on wall* haiz. he waited for like 1 hr+?? *sobs* shyts man. haiz. aniway, we had dim sum at geylang. yum! i tink its nice. aaah.. dear.. sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry!! aahh... dont tink it'll help.. no matter how many sorries i say. ARGH! *slaps myself* =(

feeling slpy... AGAIN! haiz. stop slping!!! WORK!!

Monday, April 10, 2006

woo hooo.. i'm baack to blog. its gonna be a long entry. yesh. in the office. AGAIN. but not bored tis time.. juz felt like blogging aft reading thru the blogs of the 987FM DJs. interesting buncha ppl. love browsing thru da pics. they lead such active lifes!

aniway. fri n the weekends were filled wif lightology practices at the esplanade. quite an experience. totally diff frm wad i expected. did really weird stuff which i was pretty uncomfortable doing.. but it got reallly fun aftwards coz it gives us a chance to explore wad we can do individually. oh n other than tt.. i get to see the westside story casts backstage. hmm.. nothing much actually.. juz a buncha normal ang mos. they onli shine on stage i guess. cant wait to watch! 29 april!! wooo hoo.

went to watch dance horizon troupe performance. it's gd man. esp kenneth!! i'm not being biased or anithing.. but it was incredible. his ripple! aaaahhh! he's my ultimate idol. haha. n he's juz soo freaking handsome! juz wanna run on stage to kiss him! ahaa. rach was like, "control urself! u have a bf!!" hahaha.. so instead of kissing him.. i hugged him!! haha.. aft the whole perf of coz. n he was sooo excited he literally banged into me, n my jaw hit his shoulder. *ouch* hahaha.. aniway... i soon forgot abt it.. coz he started jumping. which took me by surprise. so yep, we were squealing n jumping n hugging. hmmm.. quite a sight i guess. gals r u jealous? WAHAHAHA.

went out to meet dear aft the frenzy. poor him waiting outside. so we, plus the dance ppl, wai yee n ricky went for steamboat at bugis. it was hot, yummy, spicy.. n.. smelly. freaking rubbish truck was clearing the bins juz bhind us! arggh. aft the meal was home. tired man.. whammed strght to bed aft washing up.

sun was another day of lightology pract. poor him.. waited for me frm 920pm till 10+. argh! felt soo freaking guilty. the whole thing dragged on. kept glancing at the clock hoping for em to let us go. but nooo.. they juz kept going. eeks. hate tt feeling. so they finally let us go. met him, den went to play pool. first game was gd.. the rest was bad. soo bad. played till my eyes got quite tired, tt i cld barely focus.. esp far balls. it was baaad. so we went home. n i whammed into bed. AGAIN.

wanna change my blog skin. this crushes all my paragraphs together. makes it look tooo wordy. dance today evening!! woooo hoooo.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

yep.. another post due to boredom. tis is prob the first time i've been blogging so religiously! work's juz boring.. currently waiting for my colleague to finish her part so tt she can pass it on to me to finish the sects n elevs. so i'm left wif having nutting to do since i finished wads necessary.

its 4.05pm... 2 hrs more! going to sch for dancesport pract. woo hoo!! dancing! dance til there's blisters on my legs.. till the skin dries off n starts peeling.. till it rots.. till veins pop out.. i dun give a damn! coz i'm dancing! n tts wad i love to do. n i wanna share the joy to ppl... esp him. so tt we can dance together. i've always envy ppl who dances wif their significant other... its juz sooo nice! n u dun hafta worry of being touched.. coz its him aft all! u're comfortable under his arms. =) dance wif me baby? =P

oh n i realised. as much as i hate being tickled at the waist. totally lurv having someone's arm wrapped arnd it. feels soo secured n loved. his hands holding my waist, arms wrapped arnd my back, following the contours (not tt i have a well contoured body.. =P).. i miss tt feeling. =(
n its weird.. i miss it coz the dancesport guys were trying to tickle me yest. yea, amgnst all the screams n squirms, tis feeling of wanting to be held on the waist popped out frm somewhere.

aaahhh!! lionel cant go for dance today! my dear partner cant go! aahhh.. i'll be dancing alone. aaaahh. aaahhh.. stupid ass got meeting. stupid shit. idiot. sucker. bleah. dun wanna dance alone... sad~ =( gonna try to snatch someone to dance wif later. hehe.. i'm evil~~~~ wahaha. =P

ahhh...!! wads there to do now?!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

its nice having to go out wif the whole bunch of em yesterday evening aft work. had been some time since we went out in a grp like tt.

met up wif mark at sim lim first n helped him pay for his ipod nano. 250.. didnt expect it to be so cheap. den headed down to city hall wif meet up wif da rest.

there were... jackie ivonny lee hua lionel leslie mark n wing. so 4 gal 4 guys! had a delicious meal at nooch. n boi did we have a gd chat! prob the loudest in the restaurant. the 3 gals n leslie left aft the meal. sooo lionel mark wing n i went to esplanade, sat by the river n had a nice chat. was practically suffocating coz wing n mark were smoking.. n lionel actually took a puff too!! but it was onli for fun.. he didnt take the smoke down into his lungs. it was onli in his mouth. was kinda tempted to try too.. but no! HATE SMOKING! so yep. we chat till 10+? yea.. n headed home. it was nice.. juz chilling out.. which den reminded me of glenn. its been sooo long since we met up n do nutting but chill out by the river. totally lurv the feeling.

went for dancesport pract today aft work. ARGH SO PAISEH! farted while dancing wif lionel. eeks. he was soo gross out. i felt sooo embarrassed! n he had to tell it to everyone! kinda curled myself up n kept quiet. guess he felt guilty? hehe.. coz aft tt he kept calling my name for no reason n followed me arnd. den he HAD to purposely cross my path while i'm practicing n make those weird moves. haha. farnie guy la. always doing those silly stuff. soo amusing. tho SUPER annoying.. but rather cute sometimes. n he took my hand n cracked my fingers AGAIN! aaarrrggh i hate it la! was kinda screaming at him aft he did it. tt idiot.

i lurrrrv my frens. wad wld i do w/o em??
i miss my dear. wen can i see him again?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

yet another slpy n cold day in the office. sick of autocad drawings. they make me super slpy. tryin really hard to keep my eyes open. cant wait for wed n thurs. I NEETA DANCE! modern dance was cancelled on mon.. argh.. 1 day gone. wanted to go down for a swim aft the "so u tink u can dance" show, but didnt expect it to end so late. arnd 9.30? yea. onli 30 mins b4 lights off. so i told myself, i gotta wake up early e nxt morning to exercise. didnt in end.. of coz.. expected.. dunno waaads wrong wif me.. juz cant stop feeling slpy. all i wanna do is slp. shucks.

had been listening to 98.7 the whole day n i kept hearing the lay's potato crisps advert. soo wanna get some potato chips to crunch on! the crunching sound i've been listening is simply unbearable! but i neeta slim down!! aarrrggghh.. tis is killing meee.. =X

fingers numb frm the cold. desk is situated juz nxt to the air con vent. had to bear wif the cold every single day. esp wen it's been raining. my jackets are not working! ccooold. brrrr.. =S

2 more hrs to knock off!!! freaking booorrreedd in the office. tho there's soo much work n alterations. i'm juz booorrreedd of alll the drawings. AARH. feeling like slacking for tis nxt 2 hrs. hehe.. lazy. =P

aaah.. ok la.. back to work. sianz.

Monday, April 03, 2006

tears welling up in my eyes. but i'm not gonna let it fall.. not in the office..
dunno wads going wrong. i juz feel so sad.
onli seen him for an hr for the whole week.
n tt 1 hr wasnt planned.
if i've not gone down to his place,
it'll be 1 whole week.
he's juz not putting in the effort.
told him i miss him, n he took it as a joke.
he's juz not bothered tt we've not been seeing each other.
i'm starting to qns if he really do love me.

went to watch the dancesport championship yest. the pros are amazing.
starting to wonder if i can make it for the comp.
its scary wen even the beginners r gd.
guess its the exp tt counts.
*shrug*

passed my grade 7 piano pract exam.
grade 8 nxt.
not sure if i can make it thru tis stage.
*shrug*