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Sunday, October 29, 2006

my heart is pumping so hard it hurts.. blood boiling like hell. argh. wanna scream.. scream out soo loud. or mayb juz leave tis place.. get away frm whoever who knows me.

didnt manage to post wad i previously typed. freak. n to tink i typed so much. argh! shall retype. wanna get it out of me.. get it out of my system.

went to find him at his place last evening before heading out. went to the lib.. den pool. was pretty upset.. but of coz didnt let him realise. feeling so worried... really worried. something is going so wrong. he juz keeps going on n on n on abt wanting to be wif another gal.. being WITH a gal.. "ohh she's SO my type!""ohh if i'm not with u i'll most prob go aft her".. bla bla bla. n it juz doesnt bother me.. i'll juz listen like its so normal for a bf to say such things.. its so not me for being so cool abt it. juz so wrong. or mayb i do mind.. in fact yea.. i hate it... so much tt i dunno how to react. or mayb coz he's been saying it ever since we were together.. n he tinks its sooo cool.. but it's so much tt i cant be bothered to react animore.. coz i noe he'll go back to talking abt it again. its so obvious tt i'll get upset.. but all he does to make up to it was to hug me.. "u angry ah?" n he'll smile. oh-so HUGE smile. like he had won.. n the prize was seeing me getting angry n jealous.

but wad if i dun get upset? wad if i juz listen n react like its nutting? he'll go on. n on. n on. none stop! FUCK! n the things he chat abt!! to tt fucking flirty bitch i hate so much! n he juz chats like i'm not there to read it! FUCK FUCK FUCK! wad am i to him?! does he even respect me as his gf?! does he even treat me as his gf?! FUCK MAN. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!


had been long since i blogged. blaa.. quite lazy. hehe.

ltc peeps came over to my place on fri to have a lil advanced bday bbq celebration for sq. so nice rite... haha.. ate quite alot.. sooo many of them came man. so happy~! asked tian wen to join us too.. hehe. den they all stayed over nite.. chatted till 6am+ b4 going home. calista continued to stay at my place. so we went to slp till 1pm+.. slacked.. watched tv.. till abt 4+. den we went to sg post centre to have lunch wif tian wen n thomas.

aft lunch.. went to meet dear. slacked at the lib.. den went for pool.. was quite upset. but of coz didnt let him realise. feeling worried.. really worried. wenever he toks abt other gals.. or even wen i see him chatting intimately wif someone.. i juz feel nutting.. seriously nutting. mayb a lil disturbed.. but its juz not me to be so cool abt it. something is wrong.. so wrong. or mayb i do dislike it.. in fact yea.. i hate it... alot.. too much. so much tt i dunno how to react. n he juz keeps going on n on n on abt wanting someone else.. having someone else.. he tinks its soo nice to tok abt it.. but he said it sooo many freaking times tt i'm juz too tired to react to it animore. i'm juz so sick abt it. is he trying to make me jealous? or is it really true? tt he's secretly 2-timing me? the things he chat abt! to tt bloody flirty bitch i hate so much! n juz chats oh-so normally.. like i'm not there reading it. FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

was helping reave wif his crs essay n realised its been soo long since i've touched sumthing like tt.. n boi has my vocab turned realllyyy limited. i knew it was wrong.. but i cldnt find the word to correct it! felt terrible.. ARGH! gotta start reading more books. stopped for too long... gotta get back to reading!

aniway.. i'm a happy gal today!! hehe. bought sooo much stuff. first was a creative zen v plus.. 2 gb.. 199 bucks. yea!! got wad i always wanted! den met up wif dear dear to watch death note wif my bro n his gf at vivocity. dun really like the ending... well coz.. it didnt have an ending! argh. hate those kinda movies. den dear n i went shopping.. n i bought a new pair of slippers! WOO HOO~! ehehe.

sch at 8 tmr. ARGH! dun wanna go back!! =( okok.. slp slp.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

back home!! back frm JB!! back from the COMPETITION!

sooo haaapppppyyy... won 2nd for grade e sambal.. got into 5th place for grade e jive.. wahahah. onli made it to 2nd round for grade d.. *shrugs* too bad. melvin n sharon got first for grade a.. WOO HOO! so proud of my 2 instructors. so happy for them. =D

seriously didnt expect myself to get anithing for tis comp.. considering the no. of practices lion n i had... which was reaaally lil. didnt even expect myself to get into 2nd round for grade d! happy happy.. very happy.. =)

an italian couple were invited as guest dancers n boi were they gd!! omg.. i cldnt stop looking shocked. they were brilliantly superb! esp rumba.. OMG! tis was the first time i felt the dance touch my heart so deeply... sigh... i cld feel their love.. it was great! aahh.. so emo.. haha.

injured my right back thigh... near my ass. hurts so much i cant walk without having to limp. cant sit properly too! argh. dun tink i'll be able to go for dance tmr. yayness! mayb meet my dear dear. hehe..

den tues is public hols. WOO HOO!!

sch tmr.. argh. so dun wanna go back. feeling reaaallly tired.. but i sooo dun wanna slp.. coz time will fly... n it'll be tmr! dun wan tmr to come!! haha.. i sound like some spoilt brat. wadeva.

Friday, October 20, 2006

going to JB in abt 2 hrs plus!! competition in less than 24 hrs!! WISH ME GD LUCK!! tho i dun tink i will get anithing. hahahahaha! =P

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

boooo so bored. hafta wait for the stupid dialogue session. bbboooo.. wad to do?!

there's actually my feature space which i hafta tink abt.. but argh.. i'm juz too lazy to move my brain juices. the thot of going back to work again juz turns me off. like come on.. subm was juz 2 days ago! CUT US SOME SLACKS MAN! hehe.

went for a free movie treat at vivocity. a film by hunter duglas... fc venus. pretty interesting. the father was SOOO CHARMING!!! omg. i cldnt stop gushing over him. hehe. guess i really have something for old men. wahaha. vivo is sooo big! soo many shops. gonna get there to shop some day. sooo wanna shop! oh, saw phoebe alvin n sq there. so qiao. hehe.

tis sat's the jb comp. hmmm.. so not feeling anithing abt it. wadeva. i juz love my life slacking now. i'm sucha slacker. =P

Sunday, October 15, 2006

submission tmr!! omg... i cant wait.. cant waaaaiiittt.. cant wait for it to be oveerr. feeling soo slack now.. there's still the verging of colours n forms.. but aaahhh.. cant be bothered.. shall slack a lil more to 9 b4 i start. too tired!!

dear dear so nice tis days... waited till 10+ to have dinner wif me on fri.. den yest waited for the others to finish printing the A1s wif me.. till like.. 9+.. den waited for us to have dinner.. in the end our plan of going to play pool was cancelled. coz too late already. so nice.. love him. =D

was supposed to wake up at 6+ tis morning to prep my dc.. but woke up at 9 instead! den did till 11... autocad have error. soo the 2 hrs worth of work all gone! haiz. stupid. fed up.

supposed to meet dear for dinner. but had to get home to have dinner wif family. MISS HIM~~!

nxt is jb competition. argh.... nv really pract man. shyts. dun tink gonna do well... haiz.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

didnt go to sch today. having a period sux! tis freaking mnthly burden. aarrrgggh.
have to skip kenneth n rach's dance pract. n to tink i'm beginning to like their dance!

dear n i are going for the french musical notre dame de paris... saw the advert for it... the dance choreo looks really nice... n he wants the 198 bucks sit! wth... have no idea where i'm going to get the money. dun tink ma is willing to pay for me. guess i'll hafta save nxt mnth's allowance. n to tink i need money to buy his bday gift tooo!! O_o

nutting much happening these days.... life onli revolves arnd work n dance... subm tis mon! n i still dun feel nervous. shucks. ok i reaaallly neeta work.. but start frm where?! haiz.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

my nose hurts wen i sniff n my eyes sting wen i try to blink. cried so much today tt i tot i cld die. came home n shed a few more tears. the thot itself hurts so much, wad more the real situation? i can barely breathe thru my nose now.. its hurting too much.

juz came back frm zhantu's bday chalet. was in the room toking to dear abt our future.. i cld barely speak properly coz i was already choking on my tears. there's onli 2 choices, either i go to australia n leave our relationship bhind, or remain in sg juz to save us. n if i were to choose to go to aust, he'll wanna break up earlier, so tt i can get used to not having him arnd, instead of breaking up at the very last min, n creating a wreck in aust. it was heartbreaking juz listening. haven cried tis much for the past 2 yrs...
he held me in bed n sang a few songs, n my tears juz flowed uncontrollably.

crying again..dun wan the future to come... dun wan him to leave me.. can barely see the screen, now tt my vision is blurred by the tears. wad can i do?? is there ani other solution?

i'm not tt brave aft all. not brave enuff to face the fact. have no idea wad will happen wen the time comes. guess i'll break down psycologically.

i love him.. too much.