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Saturday, February 26, 2005
gothic....

changed my blog to yet another gothic skin. getting more n more attracted to gothic stuff. find them really cool. well.. but hope i dun turn into one.. probably scare everyone away.

felt better yest aft i went back to gess to train my sj juniors aft sch. all the shouting n scolding kinda pushed down my emotions. but of coz.. was jking arnd. finally, my usual self, if being crazy is truely who i am. but its not gd to vent my emotions on them... promised myself tt i wun mix personal stuff into sj. broke my own promise. haiz.

tot of going to lionel's hse aft sj initially... since i'm juz walking distance away.. but b4 he cld contact me, ivonny called and said tt she wanted to stay over at my place. so changed my mind and went to meet her instead. slpt really little last night... first slpt at 1+, woke up, do work, fell to slp again at arnd 7+. woke up at 9+ to bathe... my parents fetched us to sch... n here i am... waiting for ivonny to finish her work.

was thinking abt it tis morning.... felt my heart swell... tot tt i might have a heart attack.

Friday, February 25, 2005
...

tears in my eyes now.. trying really hard to hold them back... too many ppl arnd to show my emotions. feeling so terrible... the tok wif megat yest totally changed my mood, though i didnt show it last evening in sch. woke up tis morning tinking abt it, n it got worse. didnt bother to rush for hta. made my way slowly to sch, only to find out tt i have diarrhoea. stay in the toilet for wad seemed forever. came out feeling weak and nauseas. went to fc 1 wif the others but found out tt i didnt have the appetite to eat, not even fruits. threw the whole packet away and went back to the studio first. everyone's asking me wads wrong, all assuming tt i'm feeling too tired or sick... i'm juz nodding my head or ignoring them.

dunno how long will tis last. hopefully not long. cant concentrate on my work. knowing tt there is a high possibility of him liking her made me feel devastated. didnt noe tt it'll affect me so much.

my stomach is hurting, my head is pounding, my heart is breaking... i juz feel like dying.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005
busseeeyyy...

juz read virly's blog abt crying.. almost cried while reading it coz most of it was true. but held back my tears, i dun cry in front of ppl.. only in my room alone. well... cried once in front of megat... so paiseh man.. hate it wen ppl start asking me wads wrong n i had to hide it frm them.

slacked the whole day yest. at first got no cadp, so slept till super late, woke up at 11+ to bathe, den lee hua called, said got cadp. was tinking, "heck la, already so late, muz as well juz take my time." in the end jack msg me n told me to hurry. so... rushed lor. was sweating like mad wen i reached the comp lab. aft cadp... was actually tinking of doing my hta in the lib, in the end gh msged me and asked me if wanna meet. den was tinking since like nutting to do, den meet lor. went the lib wif ivonny first to search for books. den she went home, gh n i went my hse slack. den slack slack, felt sooo slpy at home, but had to keep him accompany. -_-" slack till 530, went je lib research somemore and he went back to sch. i so hardworking hor?! haha... kinda cannot believe tt i actually went to the lib myself to research!! wo bian le!!! lolx.

haha.. so weird man... hb called me last night wen i was abt to fall aslp. he was like,"hello? grace?" haha... the first thing tt came to my mind was,"argh! another wrong no.? stupid.... wake me up." lolx. later found out tt it was him... very very blur... was still tinking abt it wen i put down the fone. "hb??? grace??? orhz.... he actually wanna call his gf.." den.. ZzzzZZz.. fell aslp. lolx.

ahhhh.. today soo busy. first neeta meet the sd ppl to pass them the meeting minutes.. den neeta rush for contemp dance... den aft dance, neeta rush for piano. AHH!! piano!! going to get my exam scores today... no.......!! i got no time to pract for exam!! =( got hta n photoshop to do.. hta 1200 words... ahhh!! actually quite ok la... can write more than tt... but.... ah!!! still.. BUSY!!! i can see more stress pimples on my face! *sobx*

busseeeyyy...


Monday, February 21, 2005
major proj sux

shit man.. having a splitting headache, juz feel like breaking down. feel so irritated with the system in sp.. sux man. if the system is not so fucking down, i wld have finished printing all my work. F. ARGH. y the hell do they have to change the system?! y not juz remain using cashcards?! bloody hell... -_-

having really bad moods tis days, pms? dunno.. dun wanna blame on it. cried 2 times last night. first wen i heard the song, 2nd wen i read the book. both touched my heart so much i cldnt hold back my tears. but the tears were not coz the song or the story was touching, but it reminds me of myself and him. it sux, so much. wen will i be free frm tis burden?

went to see the condo which i'm abt to move into in abt a mnth or 2. like the facilities, but hated the fact tt its smaller than my current home. not sure if i'll be able to move my piano into my room. my parents insisted tt it will, but i doubt so. wad abt cha cha? they said to put him in the maid's room.. like wad the hell?! he wun get ani sunlight and it sux in there.. stuffy and dark. i want him in the living room but they refused. sux man. not looking forward to moving into it. further more its so far frm sp. sux.

finally finished printing my stuff, found out tt it cldnt print previously coz i didnt have animore credits in my account. had to use mark's account. f.

i need some rest.

Thursday, February 17, 2005
sobx

do i really miss ya so much? tis sux... so much.. i want u out of my mind, out of my soul... y did i cry last night? was it wad i saw? was it wad i juz got to know? wanna move on so much, hate being tied down my tis feelings, juz wanna be free...

had tis weird dream, had been so long since i got over u but dreamt tt we got together... WEIRD~!! argh.......................... in the dream he has his current gf's(real life) ring on but i didnt mind.... WEIRD~~!!!

help~~

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
shut up!!

juz saw something tt made me really sad... didnt noe tt it will affect me so badly... bloody hell... now i cant concentrate on my work, flashes of wad i saw kept coming out in my mind... i need to shut it off!! yyyyyyyyyyyyy............ yyyyyyyyyy~?!!!! y muz i see it!!!!! fuck man sy, wads wrong wif u?! y make it affect u so badly?! argh.

Saturday, February 12, 2005
in taiwan~

using the comp in tis old 3-star hotel... its so scary man... for some reason(s), they put mirrors at almost every corner of the hotel... kinda spooked out. was alone in the comp room juz now wen i heard noises outside the window.. freaking scared man! was ok at first wen my cousin told me abt how spooky she tot it was and it affected me. kaoz.

not really having a gd time here.. well, the places we visited were nice, the scenery nice, lotsa shopping area.. yes... BUT! the meals sux, the facilities sux, the rooms sux, the tour guide gave sooooo little time for us to shop and its freezing cold~~~ ahhhhh... actually i'm fine wif most of it, its juz tt.. theres TOO little time to SHOP~! i wanna SHOP~! ahhhhhhhhhhh.... bought a pair of shoes and a tee only lor~~~~ pathetic~~~ 7 days leh.. dun wanna go home wif so little stuff... i wan my luggage to be full and freaking heavy~!! n my mom is restricting me so much in wad to buy, argh. trying real hard to find ying dar's book.... i'm determined to find it! YES! well.. if really cannot find, den sorry dar~!! oh yea, the tour guide is very bian tai man... he tells us sick stories leh.. kaoz. have tis really great urge to kick his groin everytime he starts toking sick stuff. argh.

had been doing my ms everynight during the tour... so tiring man. luckily my cuz accompany me, she got tests once she goes back to sg. poor us~ hee... so far finished 5 drawings... got a few more to go.. ahhh... so tiring... its like the ppl are in the bus enjoying the ride while i'm at the back slping my arses off. oh well... =( not gonna do my work tonight, shall get a night off. gonna see tis architecture tmr which they claimed is really gd... shall go there to take pics, mayb can get inspiration.. hee.

there's LOADSA dogs here man~! hehehe.. soo happy. saw tis whole shop selling labrador(?) retrievers and tis shop tt sells siberian huskies... super cute!! theres tis shop which sells lotsa puppies, but found most of them looking really sick and un-active, super unnatural.. felt so uneasy... tink the owner pays little attention to them, only know how to sell... was so sad for them man, left the shop really soon... clndt stand it, well.. of coz i left cursing n swearing the owner silently... hee.

so slpy... gtg, neeta wake up at 6, gotta catch some slp~ ciao~!

i miss sg, miss my frens, miss my bed, miss my home, miss the food and of coz.... MISS CHA CHA!!! i'll get u back asap my dear~! =P

Friday, February 04, 2005
get out right now.

at the CC cafe now n the kids arnd me are irritating me, have tis great urge to scream at them. feeling so tired n slightly disappointed.
went to dance wif lionel, hoping to see him but he didnt go for it.
watched the gals dance n i was so intrigued n motivated to dance better, but somehow something deep inside me kept telling me tt it wun happen.
saw tt there will be a jazz dance class at the CC every fri since march.. was wondering if i shld join. but at the same time wanted to join the hip hop dance in sch. guess i shld stick to going to dancing in sch instead, its free aniway. if i found a dance class on tues, i'll be so glad to join, but so far none. oh well.

the hols are here. not sure wad i shld do tmr. guess i'll juz stay home to do my major proj. aiming to finish all microstation drawings b4 going to taiwan. not sure if i can. had been feeling terribly tired and lifeless.

i'm still missing u!! sooo terribly... want sooo much to get u out of my mind. =(




toe hurts~!

wah.. sooo long nv update already.. kinda getting used not having an internet at home. but still constantly tink of going online. haiz. had ccf performance both yest n today, my toe hurts like hell man... massaged it but still no use. lionel, jack, jack's sis and kenneth went to watch me today.. hehe.. so paiseh. kenneth msged me aft tt, told me great performance.. dunno y shrieked damn loud aft reading it, cannot control my voice... it juz suddenly rushed up my throat. haha.. dan got a shock. heez.
virly told me he came to the studio both yest n today. also dunno y i very disappointed. tot i got no feeling for him already? dunno la. he's juz too cute to resist i guess. =P

die man.. going to taiwan tis coming wed and i barely did my microstation. yest was msging jack abt it... he kinda motivated me.. thnx bro~! hehe. so glad to have him as a fren.. =) oh ya.. lionel also la... haha.. scarely he jealous.. say i prefer jack.. lolx.

comp's gonna log me off... gotta go. ciao~