Murdoch
Biomedical Science
soxy_gal@hotmail.com; jac_soxy@yahoo.com.sg
20031987
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Wednesday, June 28, 2006
crying again. great. feeling like crap.. now how am i to do my work? cried 2 days in a role.. great... tot i told myself tt its not worth crying? too vulnerable.. juz too vulnerable. feeling so lonely. ironically, i feel lonely wenever i'm attached. too emotionally attached to the person i'm wif.. gotta learn to let go a lil.. seriously hafta learn. n stop thinking too much.
y do i have tis feeling i'll cry again later tonight? neeta occupy my mind. i neeta work. =(
y do i have tis feeling i'll cry again later tonight? neeta occupy my mind. i neeta work. =(
supposed to be back at work now.. but i'm soo not motivated to do so. had been slacking since afternoon.. having to sit down n work for onli abt 10 mins or so, den walking back to the couch to slouch. its bad.. the feeling sux... i need some motivation. where was the motivation i had b4 the hols? wen i cld work till late the nxt morning?
had been tinking soo much. too much. words, visions, pictures etc running in n out of my mind. there were even more wen i tried doing my work. mostly depressing.. in fact.. they all were.. wanted to slp n take my mind off it all. wads wrong? wads happening? cried aft bath last nite.. stood in front of the mirror n started tinking.. den emotions came.. including the tears. wanted to spill em all out to someone.. but who? no one... no one can take tt much information i keep inside. wanna call him.. but was afraid he's at work. juz cldnt find anione else.
dance yest was utterly depressing. cldnt rem the steps, cldnt keep up wif the rest... felt like a fool tumbling abt making ugly moves. cldnt look at myself in the mirror, coz all i saw was ugly bodylines, an ugly footwork.. everything abt myself was ugly.
y do tis have to happen wen subm's juz arnd the corner? wanna keep my mind clear n conc.
miss him like hell.. but aparently i hafta get used to it..
had been tinking soo much. too much. words, visions, pictures etc running in n out of my mind. there were even more wen i tried doing my work. mostly depressing.. in fact.. they all were.. wanted to slp n take my mind off it all. wads wrong? wads happening? cried aft bath last nite.. stood in front of the mirror n started tinking.. den emotions came.. including the tears. wanted to spill em all out to someone.. but who? no one... no one can take tt much information i keep inside. wanna call him.. but was afraid he's at work. juz cldnt find anione else.
dance yest was utterly depressing. cldnt rem the steps, cldnt keep up wif the rest... felt like a fool tumbling abt making ugly moves. cldnt look at myself in the mirror, coz all i saw was ugly bodylines, an ugly footwork.. everything abt myself was ugly.
y do tis have to happen wen subm's juz arnd the corner? wanna keep my mind clear n conc.
miss him like hell.. but aparently i hafta get used to it..
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
its a min past 2am! decided to take my mind off work n blog a lil. trying really hard to conc... really really hard.. plus my eye power is starting to fail.. i have to try even harder. but it didnt work.. lids were super heavy.. so.. yeap, time for a lil rest. hmm.. having a shitting sensation now.. shall go shit later aft tis entry. let off some steam! hoo hoo..
hafta work super hard now.. coz subm is tis fri. n... hmm.. i'm still working on my plans. wad haf i left den? like loads...
1) 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th n office typical plans
2) basement 1 n 2 plans
3) structural plans + grids + spanning etc.
4) at least 1 elev.
5) 2 sections
6) model
oh wow.. can i finish em all by fri?! OF COZ!! *ahem self consolation*
aniway, lion n i have 1 more stress aft tis stress. tt is the KL comp! so dead... all the other couples r already starting to pract hard.. but coz of the subm, n our busy schedule.. plus the family dinner tt made me skip dance classes... we cant find the time to pract. soo.. we're gonna pract hard.. like real hard, nxt week. our jive routine is still in a mess.. EEKS! =X
oh, n i'm gonna find vicky tmr to tell her i'm dropping out of the musical. cant seem to find animore time to squeeze in another activity which needs training. so yea, if she dont allow my to drop out.. i'll juz simply not turn up for the activities. i juz dont have the time!
ok.. time to shit, den work!
work is gd.. work is fun.. wow... -_-
hafta work super hard now.. coz subm is tis fri. n... hmm.. i'm still working on my plans. wad haf i left den? like loads...
1) 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th n office typical plans
2) basement 1 n 2 plans
3) structural plans + grids + spanning etc.
4) at least 1 elev.
5) 2 sections
6) model
oh wow.. can i finish em all by fri?! OF COZ!! *ahem self consolation*
aniway, lion n i have 1 more stress aft tis stress. tt is the KL comp! so dead... all the other couples r already starting to pract hard.. but coz of the subm, n our busy schedule.. plus the family dinner tt made me skip dance classes... we cant find the time to pract. soo.. we're gonna pract hard.. like real hard, nxt week. our jive routine is still in a mess.. EEKS! =X
oh, n i'm gonna find vicky tmr to tell her i'm dropping out of the musical. cant seem to find animore time to squeeze in another activity which needs training. so yea, if she dont allow my to drop out.. i'll juz simply not turn up for the activities. i juz dont have the time!
ok.. time to shit, den work!
work is gd.. work is fun.. wow... -_-
Friday, June 23, 2006
its past midnight n my home is still bustling wif noise. parents' friends are here to gamble. making loadsa noise. cant wait for someone to complain to the guards n get em chased out so tt i can have some peace n quiet. i'm soo evil eh?! hehe.
the balls of my feet hurt like hell man. aft every session of dancesport, the balls are sure to hurt. currently training for the KL comp on 15 july.. juz 3 weeks to go. argh. so yea, intense training.. well.. actually not tt intense... melvin trust us to be hardworking n to pract on our own. so yea, without the stress frm our instructor, i doubt we'll be tt hardworking.. lionel n i tt is.. not sure abt the others. hsueh min is by far the most hardworking i dare say. jy axel hm jeremey n i stayed back till 10, n hsueh min juz keeps going. my feet were hurting so much i cld barely walk. seriously wonder how she does it. axel n jinyi kept teasing abt lionel n i.. kinda getting on my nerves.. but aaahh weell.. used to it. had been like tis since.. yr 1? they juz dont understand the meaning of best friends or buddies.
had been arguing wif him.. every single time we're on the fone. miss those days wen we juz crapped n talk abt nutting n everything. almost cried last nite.. stopped myself of coz.. not worth wasting my tears. he's been working.. going to n fro frm the company to his camp every night. its madness! den wen i asked if we can meet, he'll be at the company. there's barely time for us la! wad abt US? i see a future of him not having time for me..
wad abt wen we get married? will i be one of those wifes who stayed home till late at night hoping to catch a glimpse of their husband coming back frm work? den they'll be soo tired they'll juz walk strght to bed without saying a word to their wife. den she'll sooo pathetically join him in bed... n wake up to see him gone, back to work. no kisses or hugs frm him.. no more sweet talking.. AHHHHH!! the horrors of marriage!! argh.
i juz miss him.. miss him like hell. wads happening is killing me. wanna find a way out. =(
the balls of my feet hurt like hell man. aft every session of dancesport, the balls are sure to hurt. currently training for the KL comp on 15 july.. juz 3 weeks to go. argh. so yea, intense training.. well.. actually not tt intense... melvin trust us to be hardworking n to pract on our own. so yea, without the stress frm our instructor, i doubt we'll be tt hardworking.. lionel n i tt is.. not sure abt the others. hsueh min is by far the most hardworking i dare say. jy axel hm jeremey n i stayed back till 10, n hsueh min juz keeps going. my feet were hurting so much i cld barely walk. seriously wonder how she does it. axel n jinyi kept teasing abt lionel n i.. kinda getting on my nerves.. but aaahh weell.. used to it. had been like tis since.. yr 1? they juz dont understand the meaning of best friends or buddies.
had been arguing wif him.. every single time we're on the fone. miss those days wen we juz crapped n talk abt nutting n everything. almost cried last nite.. stopped myself of coz.. not worth wasting my tears. he's been working.. going to n fro frm the company to his camp every night. its madness! den wen i asked if we can meet, he'll be at the company. there's barely time for us la! wad abt US? i see a future of him not having time for me..
wad abt wen we get married? will i be one of those wifes who stayed home till late at night hoping to catch a glimpse of their husband coming back frm work? den they'll be soo tired they'll juz walk strght to bed without saying a word to their wife. den she'll sooo pathetically join him in bed... n wake up to see him gone, back to work. no kisses or hugs frm him.. no more sweet talking.. AHHHHH!! the horrors of marriage!! argh.
i juz miss him.. miss him like hell. wads happening is killing me. wanna find a way out. =(
Saturday, June 17, 2006
lazing arnd at home n it feels gggrreaaat. tho i'm feeling freaking bored. came back frm KL yest nite n met up wif dear.. came home to have pizza wif dear, me, bro n his gf. ate onli 2, den fell aslp on the couch.. too tired man. didnt get much slp the nite b4 n on the bus.
first trip to kl, klang(lion's home town) wif kenneth rachel n liu jun. shopped like hell man. funnn. first day, shopped den went for lion's mom's function, 2nd day shopped at KL, 3rd day was at sunway lagoon n shopping. shopped almost everyday. liu jun's shopping queen man. bought sooo much stuff. hmm.. as for me.. i bought a pair of heals, wallet, bag, a tee for dear, pants n quite a few accessories. left on tues aftnoon. took a nice comfy ride back to sg, came home to a nice comfy bed, den woke up late for the bus ride to KL wif my classmates! supposed to meet at 7 in sch, i woke up at 7!! argh. so rushed like hell n took a cab down strght to tuas link.
the trip back to kl was terrible. the seat's soooo uncomfy! cldnt slp at all man. n.. there werent enuff time AT ALL to shop maaan. sux. went there wif 450, came back wif 250. mostly spent on food. SUX! onli bought a necklace. SHYT. the worse was the trip to putrajaya n looking at the buildings there the whole freaking day. SUXX!! didnt get enuff slp for every single day. coz we stayed up late playing. the last nite was the bez man. we crashed at virly's(bday gal) room n played cherade(??) the whole nite. tilll 5 am. n we had to wake up at 7 the nxt morning. cld barely open my eyes man. *shrugs* enjoyed touring the house of tis 2 SUPER charismatic landscape/interior designers on the last day. kinda like my dream hse, wif loadsa greenery. =)
cldnt slp much on the trip back to sg. the whole of 04 n some 03 were playing cherade(??) n some guessing games. fun man. tink we made quite alot of noise. mr chu was quite annoyed. ms chew joined in the games. hehehe. felt GREAT back to sg. coz i cld meet dear. missed him like hell. hehe.. mushy eh. =X coincidentally, its "stick wif u" on my radio. hehe. sooo suite wad i'm feeling. hehehehehe. MUACK!
another week b4 sch starts. better start doing my proj. aaaarrrggh. but first.. SLACK!! hehe.
first trip to kl, klang(lion's home town) wif kenneth rachel n liu jun. shopped like hell man. funnn. first day, shopped den went for lion's mom's function, 2nd day shopped at KL, 3rd day was at sunway lagoon n shopping. shopped almost everyday. liu jun's shopping queen man. bought sooo much stuff. hmm.. as for me.. i bought a pair of heals, wallet, bag, a tee for dear, pants n quite a few accessories. left on tues aftnoon. took a nice comfy ride back to sg, came home to a nice comfy bed, den woke up late for the bus ride to KL wif my classmates! supposed to meet at 7 in sch, i woke up at 7!! argh. so rushed like hell n took a cab down strght to tuas link.
the trip back to kl was terrible. the seat's soooo uncomfy! cldnt slp at all man. n.. there werent enuff time AT ALL to shop maaan. sux. went there wif 450, came back wif 250. mostly spent on food. SUX! onli bought a necklace. SHYT. the worse was the trip to putrajaya n looking at the buildings there the whole freaking day. SUXX!! didnt get enuff slp for every single day. coz we stayed up late playing. the last nite was the bez man. we crashed at virly's(bday gal) room n played cherade(??) the whole nite. tilll 5 am. n we had to wake up at 7 the nxt morning. cld barely open my eyes man. *shrugs* enjoyed touring the house of tis 2 SUPER charismatic landscape/interior designers on the last day. kinda like my dream hse, wif loadsa greenery. =)
cldnt slp much on the trip back to sg. the whole of 04 n some 03 were playing cherade(??) n some guessing games. fun man. tink we made quite alot of noise. mr chu was quite annoyed. ms chew joined in the games. hehehe. felt GREAT back to sg. coz i cld meet dear. missed him like hell. hehe.. mushy eh. =X coincidentally, its "stick wif u" on my radio. hehe. sooo suite wad i'm feeling. hehehehehe. MUACK!
another week b4 sch starts. better start doing my proj. aaaarrrggh. but first.. SLACK!! hehe.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
wooo hoooo... went to sentosa 2 days in a role.. wahahahaha... so freaking tan now. i lurv it! but soo tired.. n i didnt touch my proj at all.. aahh! so gonna chiong like hell.. enuff fun! hehe.
went for tanning wif kenneth n lion yest. wasnt quite successful tho, coz it was cloudy n the sun got blocked... so there werent enuff sun for us to have a gd tan. so we juz soaked in the water. den the sun got slightly better.. we laid down n tanned n fell in n out of slp.. quite shiok. the last hr of tanning felt soo much better. the sun was blazing hot above us.. well.. tho covered by clouds once in a while. i still got tanned tho, so quite satisfied. =) lion still look white, but slightly darker now.. same goes to kenneth. they were both quite sad tt it was a wasted trip there. owells.
kenneth n lion went to sch while i went to ica to change my passport pic. there were sooo many ppl!! i freaking waited for more than an hr. arrgh. fell aslp lor. sooo boring. rushed back to sch for contemp dance once i got it done. stupid waste my time.. i cld have went to sch to slack wif em lor. argh.
den today was sentosa wif the dancesport peeps. the seniors n juniors. arnd 20+ of us i tink. played games i planned wif dan yao. so fun!! except tt it was raining the whole day. but to my surprise, the juniors were soooo sporting maan. they didnt mind getting dirty or wet or sick.. they juz played along, tho there were small complains.. woo hoo.. it was gd. soo happy. had fun. yeap. =)
okey dokey.. wanna go slp. tired~~
went for tanning wif kenneth n lion yest. wasnt quite successful tho, coz it was cloudy n the sun got blocked... so there werent enuff sun for us to have a gd tan. so we juz soaked in the water. den the sun got slightly better.. we laid down n tanned n fell in n out of slp.. quite shiok. the last hr of tanning felt soo much better. the sun was blazing hot above us.. well.. tho covered by clouds once in a while. i still got tanned tho, so quite satisfied. =) lion still look white, but slightly darker now.. same goes to kenneth. they were both quite sad tt it was a wasted trip there. owells.
kenneth n lion went to sch while i went to ica to change my passport pic. there were sooo many ppl!! i freaking waited for more than an hr. arrgh. fell aslp lor. sooo boring. rushed back to sch for contemp dance once i got it done. stupid waste my time.. i cld have went to sch to slack wif em lor. argh.
den today was sentosa wif the dancesport peeps. the seniors n juniors. arnd 20+ of us i tink. played games i planned wif dan yao. so fun!! except tt it was raining the whole day. but to my surprise, the juniors were soooo sporting maan. they didnt mind getting dirty or wet or sick.. they juz played along, tho there were small complains.. woo hoo.. it was gd. soo happy. had fun. yeap. =)
okey dokey.. wanna go slp. tired~~
Sunday, June 04, 2006
tiring day!! wanna slp.. soo much.. but my stomach's so freaking bloated... cant stop farting n burping... aaahh.. so much wind! hehe.. luckily not smelly one.. =X still got FAC parade tmr.. n i'm the parade commander.. SUX! yea.. 9am to be there in full u to do marshalling.. den commander at the end of everything. SUX! n tired...
today's fillllleeeedd wif activities. wif 3 diff grp of frens.. the onli person in common is lionel. he seriously evolves arnd my current poly frens man. aniway, first was the poly 50 training wif SOKA. n thnx to my freaking bloody irritating groin injury.. i can onli run 5 rounds!! we're required to run 8 rounds lor.. WAH LAO! freak la.. my groin juz gets bad to worse. dance how?! aaarrggh!
aft the training, lion n i went back to his place to bathe n get changed, den met my dance frens at orchard. was supposed to watch a production by wai yee.. some roadside show.. but it onli lasted 5 mins lor! they planned to walk to diff destinations to perform the same thing. soo.. we were left wif nutting to do. soo... we shopped. actually more like rach n shi qi were shopping. the 3 guys n i juz tagged along. i was too tired to be interested. juz felt like falling flat. it was kinda torturous.. plus my bag was quite heavy.
aft the shopping. lion n i left to jeremey's place for bbq wif the dancesport peeps. jinyi brought 3 bottles of alochol lor! siao one.. 1 chivas, 1 wine n a tequila. i drank a lil of chivas. didnt wanna get too high coz of the parade tmr. den hsueh min got soo tipsy lor! she started going crazy... n laughing for no reason.. den she'll start crying.. den she'll cont laughing. was soo worried for her. aniway, aft slacking.. n laughing.. n going crazy.. lion n i went home while the rest went back to jeremey's place. we slpt thruout the whole train journey. soo tired man. gosh.
freaking stomach sooo bloated man.. had too much bbq food. oh! i might be going to KL for a dancesport competition. so cool!! hope our participation is confirmed. coz i really wanna go! seeing lion's enthu juz makes me soo happy. at least he's serious abt it. weeee!! wah.. but come to tink of it.. 2 comps.. first is sg's comp on 26 aug.. den theres the KL comp in july. BUSY!!! aargh.
kenneth said to go sun tanning tis mon. but i gotta go change my passport pic... den there's the dancesport outing to sentosa AGAIN on tues. wahh.. busy busy. plus.. NO MONEY!
SJ at 9!! arrgh. DREAD.
today's fillllleeeedd wif activities. wif 3 diff grp of frens.. the onli person in common is lionel. he seriously evolves arnd my current poly frens man. aniway, first was the poly 50 training wif SOKA. n thnx to my freaking bloody irritating groin injury.. i can onli run 5 rounds!! we're required to run 8 rounds lor.. WAH LAO! freak la.. my groin juz gets bad to worse. dance how?! aaarrggh!
aft the training, lion n i went back to his place to bathe n get changed, den met my dance frens at orchard. was supposed to watch a production by wai yee.. some roadside show.. but it onli lasted 5 mins lor! they planned to walk to diff destinations to perform the same thing. soo.. we were left wif nutting to do. soo... we shopped. actually more like rach n shi qi were shopping. the 3 guys n i juz tagged along. i was too tired to be interested. juz felt like falling flat. it was kinda torturous.. plus my bag was quite heavy.
aft the shopping. lion n i left to jeremey's place for bbq wif the dancesport peeps. jinyi brought 3 bottles of alochol lor! siao one.. 1 chivas, 1 wine n a tequila. i drank a lil of chivas. didnt wanna get too high coz of the parade tmr. den hsueh min got soo tipsy lor! she started going crazy... n laughing for no reason.. den she'll start crying.. den she'll cont laughing. was soo worried for her. aniway, aft slacking.. n laughing.. n going crazy.. lion n i went home while the rest went back to jeremey's place. we slpt thruout the whole train journey. soo tired man. gosh.
freaking stomach sooo bloated man.. had too much bbq food. oh! i might be going to KL for a dancesport competition. so cool!! hope our participation is confirmed. coz i really wanna go! seeing lion's enthu juz makes me soo happy. at least he's serious abt it. weeee!! wah.. but come to tink of it.. 2 comps.. first is sg's comp on 26 aug.. den theres the KL comp in july. BUSY!!! aargh.
kenneth said to go sun tanning tis mon. but i gotta go change my passport pic... den there's the dancesport outing to sentosa AGAIN on tues. wahh.. busy busy. plus.. NO MONEY!
SJ at 9!! arrgh. DREAD.