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Murdoch Biomedical Science soxy_gal@hotmail.com; jac_soxy@yahoo.com.sg 20031987 Pisces
August 2004
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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
y cant i have my happy ending?
y cant i be with who i truely love? y muz life torture me tis way? y muz i lose my love to pursue my passion? y muz there be sacrifices? y am i sacrificing? y is tis happening to me? y did fate choose to do tis to me?
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
miserable.
muz get over it, muz be stronger cant slp, cant eat smile dont last animore every night suffering frm a headache cant go on like tis need to be stronger, hafta i can do it
Monday, January 29, 2007
stop doing tis to me pls...
i feel so painful... i feel like dying.. pls.. baby.. i miss u so much..
Saturday, January 27, 2007
freaking bored n well.. not slpy. haiz. wen can slp dun wanna slp, wen neeta stay awake, cant stay awake. aniway, had been long since i did questionaire.. got tis frm the frenster bulletin board..
3 years ago.. How old were you?- 17 Where did you go to school?- Gan End Seng School. Where did you work?- Bata / Bengawan Solo Where did you live?- Jurong west Where did you hang out?- orchard, tiong bahru plaza, home How was your hair style?- long hair Did you wear glasses?- yes Who was your best friend?- vanitha, buvan (MISSING THEM LOADS!) Who was your regular-person crush?- my ex bf 3 yrs ago. What was your worst fear?- insects.. still is Had you smoked yet?- no Had you been arrested?- nope. Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter?- bitterly taken. LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW !!!!! january 2007... How old are you?- 20 soon Where do you go to school?- SP Where do you work?- no where where do u live?- Geylang Where do you hang out?- no where in particular... urh.. SP? Do you wear glasses?- seldom Who are your best friends?- still the same ol 2 tho its been ages since we've seen each other Who is your crush?- current bf Hair now?- short!!!!! Do you still smoke now?- yea... passive smoker. obviously not. What is your biggest fear?- still insects... n... *personal issue* Have you been arrested?- Nope. Has your heart been broken?- countless times Single/Taken/Married/Divorced/Bitter?- taken Any regrets that you have from 3 yearsago?- actually.. LOADS~!!! esp taking dip. in architecture. thnk god its gonna be over soon!!! omg.. i'm still bored. HAPPY NEWS! gonna get 1 of my spree orders, a earring container. bro's gonna collect for me in ntu. haa. HAPPY NEWS AGAIN!! the last test was today. ovveerrr! wwooo hooo. there's still the portfolio.. but do i look like i care? saw 2 small slight pouches at bugis village today. one $12, the other $23.90. 12's quite simple.. 23.90 is absolutely lovely! but nah.. too ex. hohoho.. juz bought make up online. yesh. online shopping is a gift frm god! takes my mind off those upsetting thots, well.. they're still lingering n floating arnd. wadeva. i lost so much tears tt i seriously look pale. n seriously, i cant see paleness in the skin due to my colour-deficiency disorder. n wen i can see tt i'm pale, den i'm reaaally pale. mom said my face looks swollen. told her coz of the facial i went.. last sat. wth.. tt was a wk ago! =( n i tink coz i cried so much tt i lost all the moisture in my face. haha. my skin is peeling like no body's business! crap. i feel ugly. heard tt dad's watching some horror movie outside. off to scare myself!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
had ads n es tests today. ads was a killer. tons of qns tt were tricky. es was ok xcept for mcq. owells. *shrugs*
went to james tan veterinary centre yest. brought cha cha along for a checkup... but most imptantly!! i wanted to ask for a job there. heehee. first was the checkup. nutting wrong wif him xcept for an inflamed ear.. but it wasnt serious. so yep. he showed me how to feed him wif the syringe. boi was he tough on cha cha!! my dearest was struggling like hell under his grip. argh.. instantly felt an ache in my heart. wonder how i'm gonna feed him myself... cant possibly grip him as tight as Dr Tan!! didnt dare to ask him abt the job at first coz he looked like a really fierce old man who will juz reject me. but argh! i need tis! so yeap.. gathered my courage to open my mouth n boi was i glad i did! well... not tt i got a job.. but he stood there n really thinked abt it. like reeeaaallly thinked... was juz staring at him as he kept thinking n thinking in total silence. once in a while asked me qnses.. den back to thinking. cld literally hear my heart beating. he said they're currently having too many nurses. but there's tis nurse who's gonna go overseas to study, so he might take me in but at a lower pay of 800 bucks. den wen its arnd june/july wen the nurse leaves, he'll increase my pay to 1200bucks. hmm.. guess its quite ok? so yea... waiting for him to call me back. said he had to ask his secretary. HOPE HE'LL CALL MEEE!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
oh gawd.. had been avoiding, rejecting, pushing the thots to the back of my mind.. n it all comes crashing back to me today.. now.. at tis pt of time..
PLS.. IF U'RE SICK OF ALL MY EMOTIONAL CRAP.. CLOSE TIS WINDOW y am i forcing myself to do tis? to go true so much pain every single night wen i'm alone in my room letting the thots run wild cant i do wad my mind wants me to do? y do i have to make my emotions take control of how i tink? day aft day, i show myself as the same ol gal i was care free.. not giving a fuck of wad is going on wif my life while night aft night, i face tis walls of my rooms shedding tears praying for a change in wads going on most importantly a change in myself to be stronger emotionally n i juz cant as much as i torture myself scream into my pillow isolate myself frm my parents giving them tt attitude telling myself over n over again tt i cant be me... i need to change... n wad am i saying to myself? how can i change "me"? wad the hell am i typing abt?! its been 2 days since the anniversary i estimated... FUCK! an anniversary tt is estimated!! i barely see him, speak to him, not even msg him.. n the onli thing i can look forward to are anniversaries... n i dun even noe WHICH IS OUR ANNIVERSARY!! valentines day is not a day i look forward to coz it ends on a weekday. hopes of being wif him on a special day, juz 1 special day... is gone. guess now the onli thing i hope for is to even noe if he still loves me.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
a short summary of what happened today.
woke up super late. dad didnt bring me to the vet coz he had sumthing on. *sad**disappointed* went to meet the archi peeps. as usual, they were searching for their ADD dresses. had dinner. asked tian wen to join us but he didnt in the end due to some inconvenience. shopped a lil more, den home. came home onli to realised tt the big door was locked. i onli had the gate key. was furious. told my parents. kinda shouted into the fone. *haiz, bad mood* went over to my grandma's place n was bored to death. but it felt warm having to see my grandparents again, tho i cld understand nuts of wad they were saying. grabbed the chance to leave the place to meet tian wen downstairs b4 i cld bore to death. *promised myself to visit them again* den he drived us to kallang macs. had supper. tt idiot didnt have dinner.. haiz. chatted alot.. played wif each other's fone. he showed me a new function for my fone!! was so fascinated i cldnt stop browsing arnd. ahaaha. now home. at 12am!! aniway, listening to tis song n i cant stop tinking of him. well.. missing him less. thinking of him every single day... but the urge to see him is juz not as strong. is tt gd or bad? well.. aniway.. tis song is dedicated to u... somehow it depicts how i feel.. mostly tt is.. From the minute that you got my attention I was taken and I have to mention I was trying to not let it show But I knew I wasn't gonna let you go From the way that you came right to me Looking all hot with the style that threw me No one would've ever known it You would be the one who take this heart and hold it You got that extraordinary way Got to be next to ya every single day You do something that I just can't explain Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me Ooh, I love you so Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go Yeah Do you know it Ooh, I love you so Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go I just want you to know You can san say anything you want to No stress 'cause I understand you We got a vibe you can't define Want everyone know that boy is mine We won't fight and stop and stare at the way you hold me You take me there at times I feel I lose control Forget everyone but the hand I'm holding You got that extraordinary way Got to be next to ya every single day You do something that I just can't explain Wanna take the chance and tell you you're the one for me Ooh, I love you so Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go Yeah Can you feel it Ooh, I love you so Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go I just want you to know Please know this I'll always be right here And you don't have to look Nowhere else babe Don't think for a minute This love will change Oh you should know that Ooh, I love you so Just look in my eyes, they'll tell you where this could go Yeah Can you feel it Ooh, I love you so Look in these eyes, they'll tell you where this could go I just want you to know
Sunday, January 21, 2007
hoho.. was tinking abt lionel n he msged me.. so qiao. we're discussing on how bad "the dancefloor" is. its reaaally bad? like low budget kinda competitions? look at the venue itself! some make shift tent at the youth park.. crap..
aniway. HAPPY~!! coz we're gonna cont. dancesport. wooo hoooo. he asked b4 i cld gather my courage to. haha. wad can i say... i'm not a person who dare to open up on wad i truely want, esp wen it'll affect someone else. glad he asked. hehehehehehehe.. HAPPY~!! nuttin much today. met up wif lion, went for the soka meeting, played wif the kids, went shopping at vivo, dinner at harbourfront, den home. oh! saw tis heel at vivo.. forgot the shop name.. quite nice. hmm.. can consider, but guess its quite ex. so difficult to get ppl to go for ADD.. =( n ivonny told me she might not go. Y?!!! argh. =( rushed home today to watch the dancefloor.. which sucked... n was hoping to watch tis dance show.. but it didnt show!! was mr bean soon aft the dancefloor. =( i saw the advert.. did i rem it on a wrong day? grrr.. cant wait to start dancing again~!!
Friday, January 19, 2007
great. my previous post got lost... some connection prob. ARGH~~ hafta retype again.
i'm a haapppyyy gal these days~! bought 3 stuffs! wooo hooo~~ first up! lip gloss frm e.l.f via the drugstore. bought online! ordered wif ivonny. each onli USD 1.. CHEAP~! tee hee~! ![]() tis is ivonny's. e.l.f. Super Glossy Lip Shine SPF 15, Goddess. ![]() tis ish mine~!! e.l.f. Moisture-Care Lip Color, Pink Lemonade. tee hee~! nxt stop. a corset frm dorothy perkins~! tried it wen i went shopping wif the archi gals. totally lurve it man~! told mama abt it n she brought me to buy today. wahahahaha. yippeee~! ![]() cant really see the details. its mainly layers of lace which leads down to sumthing like a sash on my right. absolutely lovely~! there r some beads detail which kinda adds on to the glam factor. hehehe. so happy i got it man~! it initially cost 80 bucks. but there was a 50% discounts.. so onli 40 bucks~! woooo hooooo. gonna wear it for BE's ADD. yippee~! FINALLY~~!! *drum rolls* ![]() TADA~!! Glitter & Lace Hard Case Clutch frm ASOS.com. yeap~! online too!! costs onli USD 5.70. n mom paid for it. isnt she great?! wahaha. gotta take it to the ADD if it arrives on time coz it suites the corset! if it doesnt... well... no harm owning sumthing like tt. wahaha. so yep. 3 items. happy happy happy! now i'm left wif a skirt to fit the corset n a pair of heals. =) went to zouk n phuture (well.. they're in the same area) on wed. danced till i sweat like hell.. wahaha. preferred phuture coz it was r&b... zouk was somehow empty.. n boring. wanted to hop over to MOS but decided not to in the end. the club closed at 4.. went to slack n had prata till 6. rf n ivonny den came over to my place to stay over. the nxt day was slacking day~! damn shiok. slpt till 1pm. slacked arnd.. went online.. shopped.. ate a lil... den went down to the steam room. sweat our fats away~! headed to the jacuzzi soon after the rain stopped. the water was damn hot man.. DAMN SHIOK~! aft which was the swimming pool. was damn cold. not shiok. haha. my parents bought back dinner.. ate like pigs aft bathing. was super hungry. den we settled down to watch moulin rouge! my all time fave show. watched it soo many times tt i can actually remember the lines. haha. woke up wif a freaking bad tummy ache tis morn. diarrhoea. haiz. was writhing in pain the whole day in bed. decided not to go to sch. forced myself out of home to meet my parents for dinner at tis korean restaurant at chinatown. the food's DAMN GOOD!! yummyyy. wanna go back there again! didnt really enjoy due to diarrhoea.. had to use the restaurant's toilet.. hope i didnt stink the area. headed down to ps to get the corset n some window shopping... life aft subm is DAMN GOOD!! wahaha. had been slacking like hell. woo hoooo. gonna find for a job at some vet. hope i'll be able to get one... cant wait to work wif the animals~! missing him like hell... but i've pushed it to the back of my mind... guess i'm getting used to it. *shrugs* no pt tinking so much.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
wanna cry so badly.
someone.. pls.. help... dig my heart out... wanna me held... hold my body... prevent myself frm being crushed... every joints n segments in my bones r breaking apart.. sheer desperation surfacing frm the deep... can u hear me scream?
..ahh.. emo... all kinds of thots running thru my mind. hate times like tis.. being sensitive.. my thots running wild... feeling lonely..
well.. i've been like tis since i-dunno-when actually. like i juz wanna get away frm everyone... be alone... be nonchalent abt everything.. we're gonna be a yr together. n i dun have money left for the gift! oh crap. i feel so crappy. sumtimes i wonder... is it worth buying? coz.. its not like he'll rem.. n.. its not like he'll get anithing for me. den i'll tell myself, tt it juz doesnt matter. as long as i rem.. n tt i'll buy sumthing for US. these 2 angel n devil arguing in my mind. juz so irritating. =( eyes getting heavy. nite. my heart hurts frm missing him too much.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
OOOOHHH hhhHHOOO!! SUBM ISH OVER! FINAL SUBM! well.. there's the crit portfolio n tests.. but ARGH. TO HELL WITH THEM! the major proj... the more impt one.. ISH OVER!!! haahahahahahaa.
next stop.. ONLINE SHOPPPINGG!! OOHH HOO. damn. thnx to my darling sq who introduced online shopping.. now i'm hooked. like soo hooked. i tink abt it wen i'm on my way home.. like.. "ok.. went reach home muz turn on the comp n go online n shop." den i'll get so tempted i'll walk faster. wahahaha. gotten so sick man. lost my voice in the midst of working.. coz i finished half of whole wang wang packet! haha.. its alot. now i have a really "sexy" voice. n i tend to tok damn loud. hahaa. alot of ppl kept telling me to stop toking... cant stand my voice. HAHAHAHA~! ok. now's ONLINE SHOPPING~~~ HOO HOO HOO.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
a small break frm work..
sooo shagged.. tired man... juz 2 more days! 2 more days n its sooo done. yipppee! now's down to photoshop n model. MODEL.. the horror. wish me gd luck.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
sick sick.. oh so sick.. aahh. woke up tis morning feeling the worse ever. my nose is flowing.. so is my menses.. my ears r blocked... my throat hurts and itches at the same time... my tummy hurts.. eyes r watery... hair looks like shit.. oh man.. let tis all stop pls! i need full conc on my proj. n coz of tis.. i cant work for long.. all i wanna do is have a gd rest. oh man... oh man...
was at je lib yest wif rach n sq.. n in the middle of working.. sq introduced me to online shopping. n now i'm hooked! aahh. bought an elf blusher and eye shadow. den theres so many more stuff i was so tempted to buy... but decided not coz i'm planning to save up on getting sumthing else, which i consider more impt. came home n juz cldnt stop browsing thru items. saw tis reeeaaaallly nice heart shape necklace! like OMG! I SO WANNA GET IT! so yep, went to check... n realised they already closed the shipment. =((((( i like it so much! argh. so sadd oh no.. realised i neeta transfer the money over to the person's acc. i neeta get out of tis hse. oh no.. not wen i'm like tis. so dun wanna leave the hse now. haiz. guess later tonight. work work. so worried. =(
Friday, January 05, 2007
GREAT! i'm stuck wif work again. argh.
work sucks. sucks. sucks. i'm soo sick of it. but i'm still here working my ass off into the wee hrs of the night. did i mention tt i wanna stop wadeva dance committments? well i juz got 1.. ccf perf on fri n sat. ARGH! well.. for the sake of our dance club.. i have to do it. too soft hearted n sympathetic to say no. at least the perf's in sch.... can go strght back to work aft it. guess i'll juz take it as a break. juz gotten sick today. argh. great.. -_-.. have tis really bad cough. feeling nauseous. dizzy. headache. had nv been sick sooo many times in a yr b4 man. ever since i'm in tis course.. juz cant stop getting sick. n now i juz wanna lay my heavy head down n have a nice slp. getting really stressed abt work. there's juz sooo many things left! n my sect's still not done. AAAHH. there's still the model? n boards! BOARDS!! aaaahh. oh nonono. missing my baby.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
blaaah another unproductive day. i'm still stuck wif my sect n detailing. oh gosh.
slpt at 8am yest. haha. tink my bio clock has turned haywire. i've bcum a night creature. been staying awake the whole night, onli to fall aslp wen the sun comes out. den wake up wen its dark. crazy man. cant do tt today, coz theres piano class at 2.30pm, which i might once again choose to skip. aft which is a lil gathering wif my modern dance peeps at wai yee's place. had been staying home for 2 whole days. n i'm loving it~ the onli concerning thing is getting fat. slp, eat, slp, work, eat, slp. realised the majority is eating n slping? i'm bcuming a nocturnal pig! haha. had been tinking of dance tis days. side effects of not dancing: serious addiction of moving the body or watching others move. cldnt stop searching for dance vids on youtube, aft which inventing some random moves by my own. weird. tink ppl living opp my place had been observing me doing some pretty crazy stuff in my living room. ok i really shld force myself to slp. since its useless to stay up late n not do my work. omg its already 4.15am.
Monday, January 01, 2007
wee hee~~~ happy new yr everyone.
wahaha. juz woke up mins ago. came home arnd 7. had a blast last nite. tho i dare say i didnt enjoy as much. coz someone wasnt wif me. *shrugs* dun wanna care tt much animore. went over to jane's place arnd 6+ to have dinner. but wasnt hungry. n since i needed to get an i/c for jen frm someone in dance n cheer (yep, jen's still 17. ahaha), i went over to join the dance n cheer gang at marina. n had dinner wif them. hahahahaha~ n i was sooo tempted to stay wif them coz they decided to go to the nat arts museum for a countdown party there. n i heard its pretty cool. they hung dancers on the wall.. n they danced on the wall. LIKE WTH!! i sooo wanna goooo. but since i've promised jane tt i wont pangseh them, like how i did during xmas eve, i had to join them at MOS. argh. MOS again. kinda sick of it. aniway, yea at MOS. still loved the songs in smoove. squeeze like hell into the cage. almost got into a fight wif a couple. 2 idiots who thot their the onli who were on the dancefloor. grrrrr. den we went to the main arena... felt slightly better coz there were space. started dancing on the podium. hmm... den tis 2 drunkards dancing like crazy behind me kept placing their hands on my back. -_-.. well.. luckily not my butt. haha. visited the clinic. the setting is cool.. but the music sucks. so yep. we left soon aft we finished xploring. left mos arnd 2++. went to macs n slacked. den lionel called n said they're outside MOS!! ahahaha.. so happy. they came over for a while to say hi. was screaming like crazy wen they told me abt the museum party. said it was superb. =( i soo wanna gooo. aniway. aft tt was pretty boring coz we didnt noe wad to do. went in n out of mos. but it was freeeaaakkiiinnng crowded. so came out. went to jiao n neh's working place n stole 2 coconuts, 2 bottles of heineken, 1 bottle of corona, 2 bottles of german beer (forgot the name, its was ggooodd), n a bottle of wine. ahahaha. den sat down by the river n started drinking n toking cock. played a game in order to finish all the drinks. den hooommee. jiao n i walked allllll the way to bras basah to get a bus. wanted to get a cab but there were none. so diao. ahaha. parents' frens r at home playing mahjong n singing. NOISY!!! someone kill meeee. work work work. now i'm worried abt work. but no motivation~! |