Murdoch
Biomedical Science
soxy_gal@hotmail.com; jac_soxy@yahoo.com.sg
20031987
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
i tink i'm the worse fren in tis whole wide world. =( shldnt have let my mood affect my surrounding ppl.. i've been controlling wadeva negative emotions i have.. not wanting it to show or affect anione.. but sumtimes it juz reaches tt limit. guess tts wad happened to mark. haiz mark.. wenever i tink of wad he said... it juz hurts me. its quite sad. really sad.
kinda burst at lionel today during dance. scolded the F word.. it juz slipped out.. seriously didnt mean it. but the reason y i said it to him but not anione else there.. was coz sumtimes.. i've had enuff of him telling n nagging me on wad i shld do.. wad i shldnt do.. wad i shld noe.. i noe he's doing it coz he cares.. but its to the extend tt sumtimes it sounds as if he said it onli to irritate me or show tt he's better. n yea... i shldnt rely on how i feel abt tis.. coz i noe i have a very sensitive n negative mindset. wadeva it is.. well.. i dun tink he's reading tis. i jz wanna say..
I'M SORRY!!
i tink too much. SERIOUSLY! tink too much feel too much... so many things running thru my mind every min every sec. i juz dun like sharing those thots.
i need to get away frm everyone for tis moment. except for dear i guess.. somehow thru tis chaos... i juz need him here wif me. juz a silent accompany.. enjoying his presence.. calm my thots.. n run them thru over n over again... had been so long since i've done tt. =(
kinda burst at lionel today during dance. scolded the F word.. it juz slipped out.. seriously didnt mean it. but the reason y i said it to him but not anione else there.. was coz sumtimes.. i've had enuff of him telling n nagging me on wad i shld do.. wad i shldnt do.. wad i shld noe.. i noe he's doing it coz he cares.. but its to the extend tt sumtimes it sounds as if he said it onli to irritate me or show tt he's better. n yea... i shldnt rely on how i feel abt tis.. coz i noe i have a very sensitive n negative mindset. wadeva it is.. well.. i dun tink he's reading tis. i jz wanna say..
I'M SORRY!!
i tink too much. SERIOUSLY! tink too much feel too much... so many things running thru my mind every min every sec. i juz dun like sharing those thots.
i need to get away frm everyone for tis moment. except for dear i guess.. somehow thru tis chaos... i juz need him here wif me. juz a silent accompany.. enjoying his presence.. calm my thots.. n run them thru over n over again... had been so long since i've done tt. =(
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i'm officially drained.... arrrhh so tired. well.. physically tt is..
woke up early tis morning n rushed down to sch for the intercons capt ball game. most of my members were late.. so cscc wanted a walk over. like wth. tried to pursuade them to change their mind.. but they still refused. said they'll onli play wen its a friendly match. wth. but we played in the end. freak man.. wasted my time. cld have had a nice slp at home! hmph.
aniway, aft the game. seng chuan drived us to fc 4 for a break. we refused to sit wif him in the front! said he's our chauffer. ahahahaha.. so we all squeezed into the back of the van. tink he wanted a revenge coz we kept teasing him? coz he drived SUPER recklessly. we were flung all over at the back. but so fun la! cldnt stop laughing. hahaha. like roller coaster. haha. but still scary. so wen he drived us back.. i decided to sit in the front wif him n tis other guy. well.. as usual.. was flinging arnd. tried reaaaaallly hard not to bang into the both of them. was sitting in the middle la. -_-
went over to support the basketball game. WOO HOO! i luuurrrvvee the bball guys! they were great man. cldnt stop shouting n cheering. was so crazy tt tis guy sitting nearby kept looking over. hahaha. aniway, b4 the game.. some of us were sending my fren off.. den seng chuan msged me "eh, where u all? come support us leh.. so bad." haha. he so damn farnie. oh! oh! n his bro damn cute!! aarrrrggghh.. so cute.. so young spike hair already. haha. ohoh! n gilbert.. he can jump DAMN high! so cool! oh oh! n tt guy.. forgot his name.. can really play man. ohoh! n DA WEEEII. hahaha. his laughter damn farnie. =P going crazy.
aft tt went to dear's place to find him. sorry deeeaaarr.. didnt mean to make u cry last nite. muackz.. love ya loads. oh! we found the ring he lost quite long ago.. near his place.. but its slightly diff... was so exhausted i slpt aft lunch till 5+. den headed down to bras basah for dancesport lessons.
i lurv my new routine! but its freaking difficult. wanna perfect it. n my split.. haiz.. still so ugly. gotta learn to hold myself.
so buusssyy. but its slightly better tis week. lesser dance practices. have 4 performances. argh. was invited to sing for BE carnival tis fri. den its another singing perf on 3 dec. wave 11 dance concert on 8 dec. n finally the dancesport nationals on 16 dec. oh gosh. n there's my proj. i neeta buck up!
woke up early tis morning n rushed down to sch for the intercons capt ball game. most of my members were late.. so cscc wanted a walk over. like wth. tried to pursuade them to change their mind.. but they still refused. said they'll onli play wen its a friendly match. wth. but we played in the end. freak man.. wasted my time. cld have had a nice slp at home! hmph.
aniway, aft the game. seng chuan drived us to fc 4 for a break. we refused to sit wif him in the front! said he's our chauffer. ahahahaha.. so we all squeezed into the back of the van. tink he wanted a revenge coz we kept teasing him? coz he drived SUPER recklessly. we were flung all over at the back. but so fun la! cldnt stop laughing. hahaha. like roller coaster. haha. but still scary. so wen he drived us back.. i decided to sit in the front wif him n tis other guy. well.. as usual.. was flinging arnd. tried reaaaaallly hard not to bang into the both of them. was sitting in the middle la. -_-
went over to support the basketball game. WOO HOO! i luuurrrvvee the bball guys! they were great man. cldnt stop shouting n cheering. was so crazy tt tis guy sitting nearby kept looking over. hahaha. aniway, b4 the game.. some of us were sending my fren off.. den seng chuan msged me "eh, where u all? come support us leh.. so bad." haha. he so damn farnie. oh! oh! n his bro damn cute!! aarrrrggghh.. so cute.. so young spike hair already. haha. ohoh! n gilbert.. he can jump DAMN high! so cool! oh oh! n tt guy.. forgot his name.. can really play man. ohoh! n DA WEEEII. hahaha. his laughter damn farnie. =P going crazy.
aft tt went to dear's place to find him. sorry deeeaaarr.. didnt mean to make u cry last nite. muackz.. love ya loads. oh! we found the ring he lost quite long ago.. near his place.. but its slightly diff... was so exhausted i slpt aft lunch till 5+. den headed down to bras basah for dancesport lessons.
i lurv my new routine! but its freaking difficult. wanna perfect it. n my split.. haiz.. still so ugly. gotta learn to hold myself.
so buusssyy. but its slightly better tis week. lesser dance practices. have 4 performances. argh. was invited to sing for BE carnival tis fri. den its another singing perf on 3 dec. wave 11 dance concert on 8 dec. n finally the dancesport nationals on 16 dec. oh gosh. n there's my proj. i neeta buck up!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
ooh hoo.. slacking at home on a sun is great. haven been doing tt for quite some time. supposed to be doing some work but nah... i'm not tt hardworking. well... mayb i'll start later tonight. wahaha. like as if i will. gosh. i'm the laziest gal ever! like come on.. who will be tt hardworking towards sumthing u have no interest in? i dun even have the key pushing factor "passion". like wad my ex teacher used to say.. architecture is not for the fade hearted. is it fade hearted? or faint hearted? ah wadeva.
aniway. juz realised tt city plaza is a pretty gd place to shop in. gonna look arnd again wen i'm free. was walking arnd wif my mom n cldnt help to shop.. bought a new pair of pumps. woo hoo. nice~! its black n white strips.. retro! wahaha.. i'm sooo into retro. supposed to help wai yee look for a vest.. but didnt noe wad kind she wants. mayb i can get some dance gals to acc me? *shrugs*
juz recieved the new dance schedule for nxt wk. n guess wad.. there's dance every single day. argh. i'm gonna be so tired. not forgetting the dancesport practices wif lion. now tt wed is taken.. wen can we pract?! argh. n i dun really like discussing wif him abt practicing coz he nv seem keen abt it. like its some burden he cant wait to shake off. or r my sensitive cells kicking in again? =(
i really neeta get back to working on my proj.. now tt i've realised how busy the coming weeks will be. gonna take every opp to work. den aft dec.. wen i'm not as busy.. i'll most prob give piano lessons for xtra money. den its our 1 yr anni! wanna buy tt perfume he likes.. n couple rings! yeaness!
aniway. juz realised tt city plaza is a pretty gd place to shop in. gonna look arnd again wen i'm free. was walking arnd wif my mom n cldnt help to shop.. bought a new pair of pumps. woo hoo. nice~! its black n white strips.. retro! wahaha.. i'm sooo into retro. supposed to help wai yee look for a vest.. but didnt noe wad kind she wants. mayb i can get some dance gals to acc me? *shrugs*
juz recieved the new dance schedule for nxt wk. n guess wad.. there's dance every single day. argh. i'm gonna be so tired. not forgetting the dancesport practices wif lion. now tt wed is taken.. wen can we pract?! argh. n i dun really like discussing wif him abt practicing coz he nv seem keen abt it. like its some burden he cant wait to shake off. or r my sensitive cells kicking in again? =(
i really neeta get back to working on my proj.. now tt i've realised how busy the coming weeks will be. gonna take every opp to work. den aft dec.. wen i'm not as busy.. i'll most prob give piano lessons for xtra money. den its our 1 yr anni! wanna buy tt perfume he likes.. n couple rings! yeaness!
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
my hip joint hurts soo much aft the jb comp. did a really silly thing of splitting without warming up.. went strght down, felt tis tension.. den i heard 3 cracks. felt my joint give way. argh. the pain slowly developed.. n now its juz there.. was so bad i cldnt walk properly.
had been stretching those joints every night. gotta recover b4 dec! coz there'll be waves 11 dance concert on 8 dec and dancesport nationals on 16 dec. argh! n they both require me to do splits. but guess its getting better? slightly better. yep. it'll get better. i hope.
was practicing wif lion for dancesport tis aftnoon. was pretty bad coz we weren't used to the new routine. n boi was the routine diffcult man. tried dancing to the song but it was utterly terrible. the steps were too fast to catch up! argh we seriously need more pract. n the split.. so ugly! argh. but at least i cld go down n felt no pain. =)
better get to doing my model. had been procrastinating since i dunno wen. haha.
had been stretching those joints every night. gotta recover b4 dec! coz there'll be waves 11 dance concert on 8 dec and dancesport nationals on 16 dec. argh! n they both require me to do splits. but guess its getting better? slightly better. yep. it'll get better. i hope.
was practicing wif lion for dancesport tis aftnoon. was pretty bad coz we weren't used to the new routine. n boi was the routine diffcult man. tried dancing to the song but it was utterly terrible. the steps were too fast to catch up! argh we seriously need more pract. n the split.. so ugly! argh. but at least i cld go down n felt no pain. =)
better get to doing my model. had been procrastinating since i dunno wen. haha.
Monday, November 13, 2006
sumtimes to tink to myself.. y the insecurities? is it coz of my childhood which led to how i am today? someone who is extremely insecure, sensitive and, well.. i literally look down on myself. i've been so insecure abt myself tt i always thot of losing him coz i'm not gd enuff... but come to tink of it.. i might lose him coz of my insecurities, n tt he's so sick of trying to make me feel gd. so tis goes strght back at me for making a relationship go wrong. i tink too much.. seriously too much. needa learn to relax n let go... "DETACH"
juz had a mini subm.. did pretty badly.. there's still so many things missing! argh. owells. feeling soo slpy.. n to tink there's a captain ball match tis evening. where to get the energy?!
briefing.. grrr... actually wanna go dear's place to slp but haiz... got a write up to do!! sianz. cannot slp already.
ok la. back to sch.
juz had a mini subm.. did pretty badly.. there's still so many things missing! argh. owells. feeling soo slpy.. n to tink there's a captain ball match tis evening. where to get the energy?!
briefing.. grrr... actually wanna go dear's place to slp but haiz... got a write up to do!! sianz. cannot slp already.
ok la. back to sch.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
i'm a happy gal tooday! hehee
went shopping at vivo wif parents. had a deeellliiiiccciiious meal at sushi tei. its diff frm ani other outlets man.. had some pretty interesting dishes.. n boi were they fresh! the salmon was great! hehe. yum yum.
den was shopping! yeeeaaa. bought 2 tops frm forever 21. haven bought a top since.. i dunno wen. hehe. woo hoo!
i'm like sooo into retro clothes.. hehe.. if onli the DnD's theme is retro night.. instead of glam n glitz. owells..
so dead! interim subm tis mon.. n i haven touched anithing! arrrgh. better get started. yep.
went shopping at vivo wif parents. had a deeellliiiiccciiious meal at sushi tei. its diff frm ani other outlets man.. had some pretty interesting dishes.. n boi were they fresh! the salmon was great! hehe. yum yum.
den was shopping! yeeeaaa. bought 2 tops frm forever 21. haven bought a top since.. i dunno wen. hehe. woo hoo!
i'm like sooo into retro clothes.. hehe.. if onli the DnD's theme is retro night.. instead of glam n glitz. owells..
so dead! interim subm tis mon.. n i haven touched anithing! arrrgh. better get started. yep.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Read this frm "Tuesdays with Morrie". a great book.. a book of life.. gonna pull out certain sentences frm the book... ppl who reads this most prob wont understand it.. but its sumthing i wanna type it down n run it thru my mind...
Learn to detach.
"You know what the Buddhists say? Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent."
"But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."
"Take any emotion - love for a woman, or grief for a love one, or what i'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions - if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them - you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, "All right, i have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now i need to detach from that emotion for a moment."
I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner, but we don't say anything because we're frozen with fear of what those words might do to the relationship.
Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotions. It won't hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, "All right, it's fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is."
"Detach"
Learn to detach.
"You know what the Buddhists say? Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent."
"But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."
"Take any emotion - love for a woman, or grief for a love one, or what i'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions - if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them - you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, "All right, i have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now i need to detach from that emotion for a moment."
I thought about how often this was needed in everyday life. How we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don't let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner, but we don't say anything because we're frozen with fear of what those words might do to the relationship.
Morrie's approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotions. It won't hurt you. It will only help. If you let the fear inside, if you pull it on like a familiar shirt, then you can say to yourself, "All right, it's fear, I don't have to let it control me. I see it for what it is."
"Detach"
so freaking full frm dinner. had seafood wif my family, aunts n bf's gf. ate soo much! chilli crab with man tou.. crayfish... pork ribs.. kang kong n noodles. huge portions! argh.. cant stop burping.
send my bro n gf back to their hostel in ntu, den headed down to my aunt's place. felt quite emotional wen i saw my grandparents. they cldnt recognise me.. onli till i mentioned who i was. n as i observed.. i realised how old they've become... how fragile. n it struck me how long its been before i went to visit them. n to tink i practically grew up wif them. miss them like hell.. miss the home i used to stay in when my parents were too busy to look aft me. miss walking with them to the market n sharing tt small cup of coffee wif my grandpa while listening to him chat wif his frens. oh gosh.. i've even forgotten how to speak or understand hainanese. its been long.. too long.. those stares my grandma gave me.. the shock in her eyes.. tt i've grown to be so big n different.. it broke my heart... tt someone whom i was so closely related to cld barely recognise me.
aniway, moving on... gonna meet jackie tmr to cut, dye n treat my hair. for a gd price! hope it turns out gd. gonna dye pink highlights.. hehe. a daring move.. but guess no harm trying? =)
send my bro n gf back to their hostel in ntu, den headed down to my aunt's place. felt quite emotional wen i saw my grandparents. they cldnt recognise me.. onli till i mentioned who i was. n as i observed.. i realised how old they've become... how fragile. n it struck me how long its been before i went to visit them. n to tink i practically grew up wif them. miss them like hell.. miss the home i used to stay in when my parents were too busy to look aft me. miss walking with them to the market n sharing tt small cup of coffee wif my grandpa while listening to him chat wif his frens. oh gosh.. i've even forgotten how to speak or understand hainanese. its been long.. too long.. those stares my grandma gave me.. the shock in her eyes.. tt i've grown to be so big n different.. it broke my heart... tt someone whom i was so closely related to cld barely recognise me.
aniway, moving on... gonna meet jackie tmr to cut, dye n treat my hair. for a gd price! hope it turns out gd. gonna dye pink highlights.. hehe. a daring move.. but guess no harm trying? =)
Thursday, November 02, 2006
wahaha back home frm the BE talentime... =)
i sure say most of the performers were gd. great vocals.. gd bands... ohoh.. I LIKE MY HUBBY'S DUET! GOOD GOOD GOOD!! wahaha. actually i've been liking it since the audition.. n i'm not sick of it! hehe. his partner.. nick... so sweet to his gf man! went to the BE clubhse b4 the whole perf, n he was there singing to his gf. so sweet rite?! n further more his voice is SUPERB! arrrrggghh.. enuff of nick.. my hubby is good too! hehe. he noe's the whole song of qin fei de yi leh.. he's malay man... pei fu. tho i wld say they didnt do as well for the perf today in comparison to during the auditions. but owell.. they're still gd! hehe.
dun tink i'll be able to make it for kimiko's piano perf.. dun have the time to practice and perfect the score.. so busy wif dance almost everyday! so i thot of singing instead. mayb duet wif hubby? haha. =P
ok enuff crap. back to work.. AP subm tis fri. ARGH.. n nutting done! OMG.
i sure say most of the performers were gd. great vocals.. gd bands... ohoh.. I LIKE MY HUBBY'S DUET! GOOD GOOD GOOD!! wahaha. actually i've been liking it since the audition.. n i'm not sick of it! hehe. his partner.. nick... so sweet to his gf man! went to the BE clubhse b4 the whole perf, n he was there singing to his gf. so sweet rite?! n further more his voice is SUPERB! arrrrggghh.. enuff of nick.. my hubby is good too! hehe. he noe's the whole song of qin fei de yi leh.. he's malay man... pei fu. tho i wld say they didnt do as well for the perf today in comparison to during the auditions. but owell.. they're still gd! hehe.
dun tink i'll be able to make it for kimiko's piano perf.. dun have the time to practice and perfect the score.. so busy wif dance almost everyday! so i thot of singing instead. mayb duet wif hubby? haha. =P
ok enuff crap. back to work.. AP subm tis fri. ARGH.. n nutting done! OMG.