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Thursday, February 28, 2008

once again i cant slp due to the carlton draught. n i hafta wake up eeaarrlly to hand up my assignment tmr. damn. travis is out drinking.. AGAIN... so i better go to bed early. aha.

it was freaking 41 degrees tis aftnoon. the sun zaps away my energy man. n its 37 degrees now.. how da hell am i going to slp at tis temp?! grrrrrrrrrr...

been long since i posted a pic. hmm.. lemme seee...
the tall blue dude is travis frm america. the one sitting is sean, local. they're both reaaaally funny n interesting to chat wif. cant really see their faces tho... too far away. ha. as u can see.. travis is WHIIITTEEE... n he ALWAYS goes to the beach... i have no idea for wad.

i shld REALLY SLP...

Monday, February 25, 2008

my drunk american hsemate travis was hitting on me last night and it kinda freaked me out. but i admit that he's cute. haha.

he came back drunk and crazy. n i was juz abt coming out frm my room.. bad choice...

"hey jacelyn! come here my dear gal... give me a hug."
urh... r u drunk?
"hahaha! yea a lil... awww.. wont you juz give ur hsemate a lil hug?"
so yep... i hugged him. n i swweeeaarr i felt sumthing bulging below coz he was squeezing me so tightly. urgh....

nxt bad choice. had a bottle of heineken (?) so i cldnt slp. so i went out to the kitchen to do some cleaning coz there were rumors of hse inspections. so there i was scrubbing the stove.... n he came out of his room...

"hey poor gal. y r u cleaning man?"
coz i cldnt slp.... he cut in b4 i cld finish my sentence..
"awww.. u poor thing... i totally appreciate ur effort in cleaning dun get me wrong.. but u're like a poor asian maid cleaning. tis lil asian gal cleaning the kitchen... awww... give me a hug..."
-_-..... so he started hugging me frm bhind... and rocking. i had to stop wad ever i was doing coz he was rocking so hard! wtf. i sweeeaaarrr the bulge was still there.
"you poor gal...... awwww" -_-

den jake came over n i gave him that "help me" look. so he was like "hey man, follow me dude, let me show u where the beers are." i wanted to smack my forehead... more drinking?!

travis was like "yea yea.. hold on dude"
"hey jacelyn wad time does your class start tmr?"
12.30am....
"oh cool! i only start classes at 1.30 man. we've got plenty of time. y dont u come over to my room to hang out? u noe.. juz for fun?"
ok...... (i knew he wont rem a single thing the nxt day)
"great! now go on scrubbing. bye! wooh!" smacks my butt b4 walking off wif jake.

wtf man. i will NEVER go near travis wen he's drunk man. freaks me out.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

"Energy... Everything is energy. So much is wasted. The mountains... inside the mountain it is quiet; it is calm at the center. But on the outside is where the trouble lies. Humans can only see the outside, but you can go much deeper. You have to see the volcano. To do it you have to go deep inside."

"The fear of death, that hidden, constant fear that no amount of money or power can neutralize - this is the core. But if people knew that "life is endless; so we never die; we were never really born," then this fear would dissolve. If they knew that they had lived countless times before and would live countless times again, how reassured they would feel. If they knew that spirits were around to help them while they were in physical state and that after death, in spiritual state, they would join these spirits, including their deceased love ones, how comforted they would be. If they knew that guardian "angels" really did exist, how much safer they would feel. If they knew taht acts of violence and injustices against people did not go unnoted, but had to be repaid in kind in other life-times, how much less anger and desire for vengeance they would harbor. And if indeed, "by knowledge we approach God," of what use are material possessions, or power, when they are an end in themselves and not means to that approach? To be greedy or power-hungry has no value whatsoever.

"But how to reach people with this knowledge? Most people recite prayers in their churches, synagogues, mosques or temples, prayers that proclaim the immortality of the soul. Yet after worship is over, they go back into their competitive ruts, practicing greed and manipulating and self-centeredness. These traits retard the progress of the soul."

Quoted from "Many lives, Many masters" by Dr Brian Weiss. great book to read. but onli to those who accepts wad is written. the last para is so true. accept it or not.. its true.

i'm so gonna find more books written by him.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

i'm missing my family so much no word can describe. so much contradictory thots clashing into my mind. its so clattered and noisy, it eats into my sanity. everyday i fight to keep to the path, tis path so rocky and narrow.

1 phone call back and my emotions crashed in. i'm so worried abt everything back home. she said i have to take care of myself. she said she's sad but yet she have to be strong (like how i shld be strong too). both my grandmas are weak and frail, 1 just lost her beloved son, the other is still recovering. i want to be there... i want to help her with the burden... i want to take care of them. but i cant. i have my own responsibilities to face. tis responsibility i worked so hard to have. how can i give it up?

and i'm so worried abt pa. he has heart problems. yes it has stopped occurring for many yrs. but aft wad happened to my uncle, i cannot help but worry abt the possibility of it reoccurring on him.

i neeta work tis out. i neeta study hard. i neeta make it all worth. i wanna make them proud.

Friday, February 22, 2008

time passes by so slowly... its been onli 2 wks here and it seems like forever. still not used to the ppl in tis university tho... they're not exactly frenly.. hmm or mayb coz i dun smile as much. but i've been in tis cant-be-bothered mood ever since i'm here.

sux being away frm home. esp aft knowing tt my uncle juz passed away. sudden death of heart attack on mon. n i was onli informed on thurs. it made me realise tt anithing can happen and tt i'll be so far frm home uninformed. cant even attend his funeral. sux big time. and of alll places... the tears choose to flow at the murdoch international office. they prob thot i'm mentally unstable or sumthing... they actually got a counselor to speak to me! -_-

went out to watch sweeney todd with the gals yest till midnight. we hitched 2 security rides and met a nice bus driver who drove the bus straight to school tho he's not supposed to! how cool is tt?!

farah n i were approached by 3 random strangers at the mall. 1 asked abt my "have faith" tee. another aunty came to chat while we were painting our nails. 1 of them was tis aussie guy... it went like tis:

him: konichiwa korea!!
we: huH?! sorry?
him: u come frm japan?
we: nope
him: korea?
we: no
china?
no
phillipines?
nooooo
den he said some non-asian country..
we: we're asians!!! cant u see?!
ohoh! asia!
urh... asia has many countries
argh i give up. where r u frm?
me: i'm frm singapore.
him: oh! clean country!!
me: u've been there?!
him: yea yea.. clean!
farah: i'm frm brunei
him: where's tt?
farah: -_-
him: owell ok bye!

dumb ass. farah said he shld go for some asian studies. haha.

ok laundry....

Sunday, February 17, 2008

i'm crying my eye balls out and juz cant seem to stop.
tis feeling sux... hated seeing them disappear at the departure gate. hated the feeling of being away frm them.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

love sick. dug out some short notes i jotted down wenever i felt down. nutting outrageous... juz simple words that spoke how i felt.

the world is crumbling
my heart is shattering
reaching out with desperation
but nothing to cling onto
falling into an endless pit of nothingness
the cold penetrates so deep
my bones ached
i opened my mouth
but nothing comes out
_____________________________________

limbs are trembling
lips are pale
eyes are filled with frozen tears
_____________________________________

fingers to play
hand to hold
chest to lean
shoulders to rest
arms for warmth
eyes to know
all of this

nothing here for comfort
nothing here for warmth
naked on a frozen land
alone
_____________________________________

it came too late
had his arms to crumble into
had his hands to cling onto
had his lips for tenderly kiss
had his eyes to look into
but love came too late
and i have lost it all
can i have you back from yesterday?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

greetings from murdoch university student village block 29 room 3!!!!

ok i'm not as happy as it sounded. haven really met someone i can truely hang out wif. so i'm more or less lonely most of the time. owell... doesnt really bother me much. will get a hang out of it soon.

juz dropping by for a short post.

i'm missing sg already.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

met up wif buvan and bun darling on eve of cny. first was O bar and den the arena. cant upload the pics yet coz i packed the cables into my luggage. haiz so gonna miss them. such darlings.. =)

n soo i'll be leaving in abt less than 7 hrs time... no i'm not excited, neither am i scared. i'm juz dreading frm time to time.

i can nv trust the words people say.. coz i've met so many of them who promised or mentioned that they will meet me on tis certain day, and then back out. so wenever someone says "cya!" "we must meet up" "i will certainly ask u out someday!" quote and unquoted SOMDAY... that day will never come. i will only say "ya." "ok".... or i'll just smile.. or probably a fake "cya!" coz deep in me i know n is pretty certain that i cannot hold hopes on such empty words.

i'm pointing tis to a certain someone. or prob alot others whom i already cant be bothered wif. i'm sad n disappointed. but tt doesnt bother much coz HEY! i've been disappointed too many times. so ya... pls think b4 u say anithing... coz who noes? the person may be away for 6 yrs.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

i'm spending money like water~ n i better stop. muz control!

just yest i.... cut my hair (yes its short again!), bought a perth map and guide, a pair of slippers, leona lewis's album and FINALLY! a new cam! which i'm not proud of. zzz. the reviews were bad. was searching for a cam which can take reasonably sharp images, was rather fickle btwn 3 cams and i chose the wrong 1! damn.

met up wif dearest glenn for dinner. nutting beats having those long walks with him reminiscing our ole sch days. n he was unusually expressive? cracked me up wenever he does a silly look. plus tt joke abt amy winehouse..... hahahahhaa... *sigh* i miss those days. =)

he said that night will not be the last time we'll be seeing each other. i certainly hope so.

Monday, February 04, 2008

to lionel with love

today may be the last time i would be seeing you. it may not. but i just wanna dedicate this post to you. yes specially for onli you. so you betta feel honoured. =P

thank you for all the ups and downs u've given me for these past 4 years. we had hilarious, crazy, angry, tiring, worrying, triumphing, proud, arguing moments. sometimes u made me so frustrated, hurt, angry and irritated tt i wanted to slap you back to KL. but there were times you were just sweet, cheerful, oh-so-boyish and hilarious that would keep me smiling for days.

thank you for nagging at me (as well as others) during my archi yrs. perhaps it was wad made me wrk a liiitttlllee bit more to get me to graduation.

thank you for being my latin dance partner. although it was only a few competitions, i will never forget the emotions i felt before, during and after it all. we werent perfect, we didnt dance as well as many other couples, there were flaws and glitches, who cares? wad made it all worth while were the small progresses we made and the amnt of chemistry we had. =)
oh, n not forgetting the times we had with dance n cheer. n the SUPER TIRING days of dance practices before waves concerts. i miss them all.

thank you for sharing Buddhism with me. i may not become a follower of ur religion, but the knowledge you shared brought a tinge of meaning to life. n that small tinge sparked a greater hunger for more of such knowledge in me. and made wad i was taught n believe in grow stronger.

and most importantly, thank you for being my friend. as you can see, u've contributed quite alot in my life. and i'm so so so thankful for tt. my actions may not depict wad i'm saying, n as much as i "hate" u frm time to time, but from the bottom of my heart, i truely appreciate you as a friend. u have no idea how much i care for u. so plllsss take care of ur health wherever u go ya. =)


now i feel so paiseh. =P