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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

it hurt so much having to discuss matters wif him. felt like screaming my lungs out. my heart was abt to collapse frm the agonizing pain. promised myself tt i wont love again, to prevent myself frm getting hurt. but guess i've nv truely stopped loving. had been lying to myself for the past yrs.

love really blinds u. it makes me see thru his negatives. n i'm pretty sure he's going thru a similar situation. no matter wad he say or how hard he explains, i still tink he can find someone far more better than me. i'm juz some fat ugly gd for nutting useless nobody. sad to say, but true. dun regret tis relationship tho, juz scared. soo scared it goes right into the core of my bones. past relationships have scarred me.

soooo tired. all the thots flowing in n out of my mind was soo exhuasting. but guess the chat was gd. released e tension i've been keeping inside for the past few yrs. learnt to treasure him more. but will he? or will he take me thru another mind boggling emotional ride? guessing the latter. i mean, which relationship doesnt bring u thru emotional spins?

Saturday, January 28, 2006

gosh.. had been looong since i posted an entry. had been pretty busy wif dance practices n work these days. didnt go for classes, stayed home to do my proj b4 heading to sch for dance. dead tired once i reached home. lets see, i have dance on... mon, wed, thurs... n soon fri. sometimes 2 dance practices in the role on the same day. haiz.. i need a gd rest aft the wave concert.

i'm still unsure wad i did was right. ying was obviously unhappy, totally against my actions. owell... time will tell yea? my frens were agnst us 4 yrs ago... n we lasted 2 yrs. but well.. guess its a diff case now? *shrugs* time will tell. but i can honestly say, i'm beginning to feel wad i felt 2 yrs ago, again. gd or bad? dunno.

tmr's cny. not looking forward to it. my day was ruined wen i found out tt viz kept shutting down on me. really hope its juz some temp pro n tt it wont happen aft giving my dear lappy a day's break. n to add into my unhappiness.. ma kept screaming at me to bathe b4 12am. some traditional pract. den wen i wanted to, kor went to use the toilet, so i rested on my bed while waiting. nxt thing i noe, ma came barging in screaming me to bathe. like HELLO?!!!! kor's using the toilet lor! arrgh. menopause's getting into her. -_-

listening to moulin rouge's come what may. again. will nv get bored of it. but today, unlike any other days, i feel like crying listening to it. emo emo... argh.. i hate it. y... post-menses symptom? no... its the viz prob n ma's unreasonable explosion. n well... mayb something else. yea, actually its majority of my upset. ='(

blah... always hiding my sadness behind a mask. everyone does tt. too bad. God created us to experience unhappiness to reflect on our happiness. like how a dark room is compared to light to noe how dark the room is. i have no idea wad i juz said. crap.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

someone pls give me the energy n drive to do my proj!! its already the 14 n i'm not even half done. wad am i doing? juz bringing myself towards doom.. i'm well aware of it yet cant seem to stay awake long enuff to do my work. oh gosh... so dead.

met up wif teck peng at orchard to search for celine's bday gift. den headed down to her bday chalet at coasta sands wif lionel n nini. nutting much i guess.. was pretty bored. till the part wen we gathered to take pics wif celine. it was a total mess where everyone is trying to get into every pic. the cathegorized grps ended up wif xtra ppl who do not belong. crazy bunch. but at least they kept me entertained for the last few mins b4 heading home.

oh btw, if u're reading tis lionel, which i dont tink u are... i'm juz typing it for fun... i was juz teasing u all the while, well... mayb juz stating some facts, but no one is perfect.. like come on man, we're gd frens n i accept u for who u are. *smiley face for u**hint* =)

found out abt the newly made couple in DE... everyone noes who... wont particularly surprised wen i knew.. their actions were sooo obvious! *tsk tsk kids tis days* hahaha. wad kept me wondering was.. y does 2 gd frens who always bicker at each other can actually get together? i mean... i have many gd guy frens.. but once we're very very close frens, i cant imagine them as my other half. den i realised, most.. no.. actually all.. of my ex-es, r actually NOT my gd fren wen we got together. onli a few like glenn became my close fren AFTER we broke up. aft which, i can nv imagine glenn as my bf! tt makes me someone who draws a line btwn frenship n relationship. of coz frens r more impt. so tt makes me someone who treats guys more as frens. ahhh~ wadeva.

argh i'm still tinking of tt particular someone. U GOTTA GET OVER HIM GAL~!
*ahem r u kidding? i've already gotten over him man~~~*
ahhh nuts.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

i juz dun understand WHY the radio actually plays those stupid, crappy, irritating songs like schnappi or wadeva the name is. wads so nice abt it?! it totally irritates the crap out of me. wad r they trying to do? making a statement? obviously failing. n now i'm listening to some song which has an enjoyable beat n back ground music but is totally spoiled by the singer who is off tune n off beat. -_-

submission's on 3 feb but we hafta complete by 27 jan for the sake of having an enjoyable cny. but how enjoyable can cny be wen u're work is not even submitted yet. n.. there's no time to buy new yr clothes! gotta slog my time away for tis proj. stupid date.

not in my best mood today. woke up early in the morning to tidy up my room coz my parents' frens r coming over for a hse warming. they arrived sooo noisily.. greeted them politely onli to be met wif stares, followed by asking my mom, "ur daughter ah?" LIKE DUH!!!!! den wad?! CHINA MAID?! was soooo glad to be able to escape the torture. headed down to ivonny's place to "work on our proj". wasted most of our time walking arnd westmall instead. did onli a lil/none work. had to leave at 6.30 to get the dance tix b4 sistic closes. reached home to the same terror. yeap, they were still there. the whole day?! wad can they possibly do the whole day at my place?! put on a mask n greeted em politely.. n was YET AGAIN met wif the same qns, "ur daughter ah?" i was boiling wif irritation underneath. wonder if they cld see my nostrils flare above my oh-so-nice-smile.

enjoying the nice inner peace of silence aft they left. ahhh..

got back to listening to the soundtrack of moulin rouge. totally love the songs man.. esp come what may.. can nv get sick of it. supposed to choreograph a dance for DE's ADD... chosed my song, but dance not out. owells.

gotta wake up early for sch tmr.. argh.. dread... GEMs totally sux man. total waste of time. choosed the wrong topic. owells.

Monday, January 09, 2006

arrrggh.. tis sux... brought myself into tis emotional trouble. stupid... *slaps meself* tis aint happening man.. ahh...

bloody shit... going thru tis shit... sok yee, y the hell muz u bring urself so much trouble?! u sux... ahhh... i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u. missing someone who hurt u so much.. stupid...
i dun miss u i dun miss u... nope.. i dun miss u.. haha.. lame~

gotta concentrate on my work.. concentrate!!!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

i'm in confusion n desperation. stuck in a situation i've been thru loadsa times n yet do not have the ability to get rid of. in addition to all the work load piling up, its all squashing me down, cracking every single joints in my body. soon, i dunno when, i'll juz collapse n my bones will turn to ashes. i'll juz disappear frm the face of tis earth n no one will notice. how i wait for tt moment.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

HAPPY NEW YRRRR!!!! woah, another yr gone... fast eh.. its 2006! gotta get it in my mind man.. 2-0-0-6. hmm, wad can i say abt 05? hmmmm... a yr in which i learned loadsa stuff... be it gd or bad. oh n i managed to stay single for a yr! hahaha... lame.. =X

spent my nye wif jinyi n axel again, wif an addition of xi yang. didnt noe wad we were gonna do in the first place, till i got an idea of going for the hip hop party at ngee ann city civic plaza. tix sales at 35 bucks, kor cld get it for 25 bucks coz he knew 1 of the organisers. so yea, asked him to get it for me. so the 4 of us went. oooh it was F-U-N! the songs were great n the dj was gd. the onli thing was it was freaking hot. sweat like theres no tmr. haha. owell.. gd to let off some heat. danced frm.. 10+ till 1+. screamed my lungs out during the countdown. hehe. fun.

getting drunk is NO GD man. NOT GD. aft the party, we headed down to jinyi's place to grab a bottle of bacardi n went over to my place. we got pretty drunk aft xi yang went back. it was bad. my parents werent happy wen they came home. got nagged like hell frm my mom. felt sooo guilty. argh. but she knew they were not in a gd state of going home alone n asked them to stay over. had a really bad headache maaan. slpt at arnd 5+. woke up without a hangover... *phew*

not gonna drink tt much animore man. its bad.. really bad.