Murdoch
Biomedical Science
soxy_gal@hotmail.com; jac_soxy@yahoo.com.sg
20031987
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Wednesday, April 30, 2008
another huge blow came yest.
i failed my animal body test. the freaking test tt included 17 chpts. i failed by a stupid half mark. y y cant he be more sympathetic n give me another half pts to pass? y make me hang wif utter disappointment under the passing mark? despite studying like crazy 2 wks b4 the test.. despite staying in the lib for 12 hrs... despite wrking so hard... it all comes down to nutting.
is tis really meant to be? mayb tis dream is onli a dream. a dream tt i shld not pursue. a dream i wan so much but cannot reach.
i feel even more useless and stupid as the days pass. n its taking away the motivation i used to have to study. unlike many... failing does not make me wanna wrk hard... failing falters my spirit. n constant failure thruout my life while trying to get into vet is making me so tired...
i failed my animal body test. the freaking test tt included 17 chpts. i failed by a stupid half mark. y y cant he be more sympathetic n give me another half pts to pass? y make me hang wif utter disappointment under the passing mark? despite studying like crazy 2 wks b4 the test.. despite staying in the lib for 12 hrs... despite wrking so hard... it all comes down to nutting.
is tis really meant to be? mayb tis dream is onli a dream. a dream tt i shld not pursue. a dream i wan so much but cannot reach.
i feel even more useless and stupid as the days pass. n its taking away the motivation i used to have to study. unlike many... failing does not make me wanna wrk hard... failing falters my spirit. n constant failure thruout my life while trying to get into vet is making me so tired...
Monday, April 28, 2008
chem was bad.
i'm so worried. wad if i cant get into vet? wad else can i do? i dun wanna go back to sg aft a yr n waste my parents money. i dun wanna be a disappointment to them.
i feel so stupid. i mug n study more than i used to n i still dun get results. i'm juz a stupid average student who cant excel in anithing. i've nv excelled in anithing in my whole life. i'm so useless.
i told myself tt i will not go back to sg if i dun get into vet. n seems like i wont. seems like i'll be the joke of the family. my aunts n uncle will laugh n joke abt how i fucking spend my parents money n dun get in.
mayb i shld juz stop trying to act smart n try to getting into a course where only smart ppl will get in.
they say its 1% talent and 99% hardwork. i say fuck it. it only works on smart ppl. n apparently my freaking brain is not as well developed as everyone else. i'm juz a stupid piece of useless shit.
i'm so worried. wad if i cant get into vet? wad else can i do? i dun wanna go back to sg aft a yr n waste my parents money. i dun wanna be a disappointment to them.
i feel so stupid. i mug n study more than i used to n i still dun get results. i'm juz a stupid average student who cant excel in anithing. i've nv excelled in anithing in my whole life. i'm so useless.
i told myself tt i will not go back to sg if i dun get into vet. n seems like i wont. seems like i'll be the joke of the family. my aunts n uncle will laugh n joke abt how i fucking spend my parents money n dun get in.
mayb i shld juz stop trying to act smart n try to getting into a course where only smart ppl will get in.
they say its 1% talent and 99% hardwork. i say fuck it. it only works on smart ppl. n apparently my freaking brain is not as well developed as everyone else. i'm juz a stupid piece of useless shit.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
farm life
alrighty a post b4 i head to the lib n wrk my brains out for my test tmr.
went horse riding on fri!! was sooo happy. it was situated at some farm area far frm sch. they had LOADSA dogs and cats running arnd.. n they were sooo happy commingling together wif da horses. it was like my ideal place to live in. *huge smiles* so i got myself busily playing wif the animals once i got there.. onli took a few pics coz i kinda forgotten abt my camera. didnt even take wif the horse i rode on, kiara. owells. at least i had fun!!!
went horse riding on fri!! was sooo happy. it was situated at some farm area far frm sch. they had LOADSA dogs and cats running arnd.. n they were sooo happy commingling together wif da horses. it was like my ideal place to live in. *huge smiles* so i got myself busily playing wif the animals once i got there.. onli took a few pics coz i kinda forgotten abt my camera. didnt even take wif the horse i rode on, kiara. owells. at least i had fun!!!
the ride there was long. but i cld barely conceal my excitement n crapped thruout the whole journey. =D
eunice driving
at the back was jim, angie and jem. jem's an irritating bugger. kept asking me weird n stupid qnses. 
horsies!!!!
i called him da emo. poor fellow had his mane covering his eyes so i gave him a center parting. hahaha. 
was supposed to ride her but my legs were too long n ended up popping out at my sides.
so i changed to her, kiara!
eunice n her horsie. 
they were bathing tis horse while he was eating. wad a life eh? 
sally. she's old. poor vision n walks wif a limp. but she's adorabllee..
dunno it's name. but damn cute also. haha. 
eunice driving
at the back was jim, angie and jem. jem's an irritating bugger. kept asking me weird n stupid qnses. 
horsies!!!!
i called him da emo. poor fellow had his mane covering his eyes so i gave him a center parting. hahaha. 
was supposed to ride her but my legs were too long n ended up popping out at my sides.
so i changed to her, kiara!
eunice n her horsie. 
they were bathing tis horse while he was eating. wad a life eh? 
sally. she's old. poor vision n walks wif a limp. but she's adorabllee..
dunno it's name. but damn cute also. haha. 
there was tis hyperactive furry long-haired terrier, it was SO CUTE!! but i cld barely get to him coz he was running arnd. oh n there were a few cats... omg i cldnt get my hands off rusty. he was sooo lovely n handsome. den while riding, i saw tis house at the other end of the field wif dogs running arnd. n i saw a golden retriever!! they looked reeaally happy. envy envy.
made tom yum wif sean last night. i did the cooking, he did the chopping. it was guuuddd n spicy. yum yum. we were both sniffling n choking. i onli had half a cup of water but he scoured down a whole bottle of beer. haha.
sumtimes he's so funny. sumtimes i juz wanna smack the hell out of him. sumtimes we'll wrestle n i'll get bruised. wad a weird relationship we're having, ina said. weird indeed. =)
made tom yum wif sean last night. i did the cooking, he did the chopping. it was guuuddd n spicy. yum yum. we were both sniffling n choking. i onli had half a cup of water but he scoured down a whole bottle of beer. haha.
sumtimes he's so funny. sumtimes i juz wanna smack the hell out of him. sumtimes we'll wrestle n i'll get bruised. wad a weird relationship we're having, ina said. weird indeed. =)
Thursday, April 24, 2008
i'm so close to the brink of screaming n crying my balls out.
i wanna go home so much. wanna be in a comfortable environment. wanna go out late w/o having to wry. wanna hold conversations long thruout the night. wanna go out w/o having to worry abt the weather. wanna go out for supper!!!!
tw promised me to go to the zoo wif me wen i go back. he better keep to tt promise. coz i wanna goooo.
ARRRRRRRGGHH!!!!!!! i'm so desperate to do sumthing fun. sumthing diff arnd here!!!
we're having troubles communicating. like seriously... THERE'S NUTTING TO CHAT ABT!!! n... i wanna do sumthing wif him... sumthing fun... an activity... nutting sexual ah! go out n do sumthing. a movie... cycling... anithing! sumthing! but not stay home... n sit on the couch staring into space. its fucking BORING!
i'm bored. life here is generally boring. wad happened to my social life?! WAD HAPPENEd?!
i wanna go home so much. wanna be in a comfortable environment. wanna go out late w/o having to wry. wanna hold conversations long thruout the night. wanna go out w/o having to worry abt the weather. wanna go out for supper!!!!
tw promised me to go to the zoo wif me wen i go back. he better keep to tt promise. coz i wanna goooo.
ARRRRRRRGGHH!!!!!!! i'm so desperate to do sumthing fun. sumthing diff arnd here!!!
we're having troubles communicating. like seriously... THERE'S NUTTING TO CHAT ABT!!! n... i wanna do sumthing wif him... sumthing fun... an activity... nutting sexual ah! go out n do sumthing. a movie... cycling... anithing! sumthing! but not stay home... n sit on the couch staring into space. its fucking BORING!
i'm bored. life here is generally boring. wad happened to my social life?! WAD HAPPENEd?!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY INAAA!!!
Q n i popped by her flat at 12am on da dot wif the huggge prezzie!
went over to Q's room first to wait for the time to strike midnight...
aft tt Q decided to bring up some sambal belachan, rice and his mom's fried fish cake.. it was D-E-liciouss!
the belachan looks like shit here. but it was goooooddd~ been long since i had sumthing that spicy. YUUM!
high on belachan
Q n i popped by her flat at 12am on da dot wif the huggge prezzie!
went over to Q's room first to wait for the time to strike midnight...
ah boi boi playing dota in the dark
melody n i put efforts into tis prez ok.... we stole a cardboard box frm Kmart n lung it all the way home. its all handmade.. frm tt lil note on the right to tt huge ribbon made of cardboard strips! 
melody n i put efforts into tis prez ok.... we stole a cardboard box frm Kmart n lung it all the way home. its all handmade.. frm tt lil note on the right to tt huge ribbon made of cardboard strips! 
so i hung arnd the room.. rummaging thru his stuff (he has more facial care products than me)... n its timeeee!!!
aft tt Q decided to bring up some sambal belachan, rice and his mom's fried fish cake.. it was D-E-liciouss!
the belachan looks like shit here. but it was goooooddd~ been long since i had sumthing that spicy. YUUM!
high on belachan
posted tis onli today coz stupid connection was so bad last night i cld barely upload the pics. woke up tis morning wif a sudden urge of wanting to go home... 2 more mnths... juz 2 more mnths!!
went to the gym wif sean n ran 5km. my legs are acchhiinng! he's gonna teach me how to slim down n tone up using weights... he's a qualified gym trainer aft all... felt so stupid listening to him explain the anatomy of human muscles n how to wrk on them, wad to do n wad not to do... its quite scary hearing him say tt it will not be easy. but heres a chance for me to slim down!!! =)
study study!!
went to the gym wif sean n ran 5km. my legs are acchhiinng! he's gonna teach me how to slim down n tone up using weights... he's a qualified gym trainer aft all... felt so stupid listening to him explain the anatomy of human muscles n how to wrk on them, wad to do n wad not to do... its quite scary hearing him say tt it will not be easy. but heres a chance for me to slim down!!! =)
study study!!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
oh ggaawwddd. i'm so slpy.... the cold weather is making me drowsy... in the lib now but cant study coz my mind is not wrkiinng! *looks over at ina* y is she so hardwrking?
sean was piss drunk last night.. kinda embarrassing coz he was going arnd talking nonsense n shouting... n grabbing me telling me he loves me, which was kinda sweet in a weird nonsensical embarrassing way. *thinks. shrugs* didnt noe wad to do but to follow wherever he went to control him. den he suddenly went depressed. tho i'm glad tt he toned down... cldnt help feeling upset too... we were at the wrong time, wrong place, n cld do nutting but wry abt it. hope he can get over it. so... at the end of the night he puked 3 times... once in his carpeted room. yewww.
some random pics he sent me...
sean was piss drunk last night.. kinda embarrassing coz he was going arnd talking nonsense n shouting... n grabbing me telling me he loves me, which was kinda sweet in a weird nonsensical embarrassing way. *thinks. shrugs* didnt noe wad to do but to follow wherever he went to control him. den he suddenly went depressed. tho i'm glad tt he toned down... cldnt help feeling upset too... we were at the wrong time, wrong place, n cld do nutting but wry abt it. hope he can get over it. so... at the end of the night he puked 3 times... once in his carpeted room. yewww.
some random pics he sent me...
Saturday, April 19, 2008
hello pppll!! I'M HAPPPYEEE. coz i went out shopping wif ina at harbourtown!! mostly stuff for winter. gotta keep me waaarm!
harbourtown.. not harbourfront.
a pair of boots $59.95
an oversized tee only $5!!!
2 tops for $40
a winter coat $69.95
knitted cardigan $39
harbourtown.. not harbourfront.
a pair of boots $59.95
an oversized tee only $5!!!
2 tops for $40
a winter coat $69.95
knitted cardigan $39
finally grocery shopping $15.85.
sooo... total expenditure is... a whopping $229.75!!!!
the journey home was kinda torturous tho.. lunging those bags.. they were surprisingly heavy. plus my feet were hurting n sore.
alrighty ppl.. gotta start on tt stats assignment. signing out.
sooo... total expenditure is... a whopping $229.75!!!!
the journey home was kinda torturous tho.. lunging those bags.. they were surprisingly heavy. plus my feet were hurting n sore.
alrighty ppl.. gotta start on tt stats assignment. signing out.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
huge yawn.... woke up at 8am and realised tt it was raining. so lazy me.. who find the chem lects redundant... decided to skip it. here i am.. doing nutting... contemplating wether or not i shld go for stats lect... rainy days make me lazy... wanna curl up under my nice warm quilt.. n its toooo colldd.. dun wanna bathe.. lolx.
dream that sean broke up wif me. my contradicting mind is starting up again.
he's 1 of my bfs whom i trust in... someone i dun hafta wry abt cheating on me (well not as much as my exes). but i cant totally rely on tis trustworthiness.. dont want to. i've been hurt too many times... n no man has proven his faithfulness.. no man... not my frens' bfs, not my bfs, not even
those guy frens i have... ok dun wanna be a sexist here... even gals... dun understand wad they (those cheaters) are tinking.. pisses me off even more wen i hear tt a gal cheats.
tis is on my fren's frenster... who i want to meet: All hot and horny babes who want to have fun with me, some nice dinner and a comfortable bed with some hot actions from our body to end the day =). n he has a gf whom he bloody wanna marry... poor gal.. seriously... qnsed him abt it.. n he has the bloody cheek to argue back.. "i love her but i wanna have fun""i'm onli gonna marry her in 2 yrs! better enjoy now" wtf... pisses me off.
ok mayb my lil chat wif ivonny now has sparked tt lil anger i've been having.. n controlling. not gonna put hopes in tis relationship, or ani other future relationships i'm gonna have... not till i've reached my goal in life.. not wen i've not settled wif my own matters...
boi is my mom gonna be disturbed wif tis. i'm disturbed myself.
dream that sean broke up wif me. my contradicting mind is starting up again.
he's 1 of my bfs whom i trust in... someone i dun hafta wry abt cheating on me (well not as much as my exes). but i cant totally rely on tis trustworthiness.. dont want to. i've been hurt too many times... n no man has proven his faithfulness.. no man... not my frens' bfs, not my bfs, not even
those guy frens i have... ok dun wanna be a sexist here... even gals... dun understand wad they (those cheaters) are tinking.. pisses me off even more wen i hear tt a gal cheats.
tis is on my fren's frenster... who i want to meet: All hot and horny babes who want to have fun with me, some nice dinner and a comfortable bed with some hot actions from our body to end the day =). n he has a gf whom he bloody wanna marry... poor gal.. seriously... qnsed him abt it.. n he has the bloody cheek to argue back.. "i love her but i wanna have fun""i'm onli gonna marry her in 2 yrs! better enjoy now" wtf... pisses me off.
ok mayb my lil chat wif ivonny now has sparked tt lil anger i've been having.. n controlling. not gonna put hopes in tis relationship, or ani other future relationships i'm gonna have... not till i've reached my goal in life.. not wen i've not settled wif my own matters...
boi is my mom gonna be disturbed wif tis. i'm disturbed myself.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
the night ended bad. n i lost the rose. =(
Thursday, April 10, 2008
COSTA RICA!!!
ok ina is prob so sick of hearing me say it.. but hey i cant contain my excitement that I MIGHT BE GOING COSTA RICA!!!
highlighting might... haven told my parents n i dunno if they will allow. costa rica is pretty far aft all... n unfamiliar... n filled wif ppl i will have trouble communicating wif. hmmmmm...
applied without much consideration or expectation coz it didnt matter if i get selected or not. but the company called yest and said i've been accepted! i was like.. WTF?! that short... SUPER brief explanation on "why you should participate in international student volunteers?" got me thru? *huge smiles*
so i will be taking part in conservation projects like sea-turtle conservation, wildlife survey or conservation of natural resources.... plus adventure tours like white water-rafting, snorkeling or forest treks, that is if i take part wif the 4 wks program, which costs a hell lot more.
tis will def help wif my personal statement or resume. n the amnt of experience i will gain!!
the onli prob is the money factor. pray that my parents will give me the green light.
ok study study study.
highlighting might... haven told my parents n i dunno if they will allow. costa rica is pretty far aft all... n unfamiliar... n filled wif ppl i will have trouble communicating wif. hmmmmm...
applied without much consideration or expectation coz it didnt matter if i get selected or not. but the company called yest and said i've been accepted! i was like.. WTF?! that short... SUPER brief explanation on "why you should participate in international student volunteers?" got me thru? *huge smiles*
so i will be taking part in conservation projects like sea-turtle conservation, wildlife survey or conservation of natural resources.... plus adventure tours like white water-rafting, snorkeling or forest treks, that is if i take part wif the 4 wks program, which costs a hell lot more.
tis will def help wif my personal statement or resume. n the amnt of experience i will gain!!
the onli prob is the money factor. pray that my parents will give me the green light.
ok study study study.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
coughing so hard i swear i'll cough out blood someday. my chest and throat are already hurting... skipped animal body lab and chem tutorial today so tt i cld slp. studying while being sick is crazy... had trouble falling aslp coz there was tis unnerving lil voice at the back of my head nagging me to get up n study...
got back my chem paper today n the amnt of disappointment was overwhelming. the stupid errors i make under pressure.... my fren whom i taught and explained the solutions to.. have better results than me!!! was so angry wif myself i almost cried.
the lib is like my 2nd home. i'm here every night. kinda enjoy it actually... pretty comfortable here.
animal body's exam is in 3 days but i've done nutting solid despite starting a wk ago. i'm so afraid....
got back my chem paper today n the amnt of disappointment was overwhelming. the stupid errors i make under pressure.... my fren whom i taught and explained the solutions to.. have better results than me!!! was so angry wif myself i almost cried.
the lib is like my 2nd home. i'm here every night. kinda enjoy it actually... pretty comfortable here.
animal body's exam is in 3 days but i've done nutting solid despite starting a wk ago. i'm so afraid....
