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Sunday, July 27, 2008

wadeva i say in tis entry is entirely strght frm my mind and i am not proud abt it.
wadeva i tink may not be true and i noe it myself.
tis is juz to release all pent up frustrations thats been suppressed in me for 2 days.

so if anione even DARE to make ani comments or even try to talk me out of wadeva they deem wrong, WILL HAVE TO FACE MY WRATH. coz i noe some ppl who tinks they are so bloody smart and expert in everything, and have to poke their snout into every single thing. but all they actually do noe is NUTTING. and these ppl i noe reads my blog. really pls juz mind ur own business.

i've been so paranoid its driving me crazy. 2 american gals moved into his flat and he + his fren immediately brought them out to the pub the day they moved in. how quick huh. how "efficient".
crap now that i wanna type it out.. i cant put it into words.

ok yes, he's still telling me he misses me and he loves me n all.. but wad if its juz to cover up his tracks?
aft he told me, i sent, "oh dear i hafta be worried den. haha"
"they're onli here for exchange, there's another guy just arrived, u dont have 2 worry babe =)"
i tried to make it sound light, like i was nonchalant and joking. but wad if its true wadeva i'm worried abt!

ever since den he's not contacting me tt often. y? wads he doing?
went out wif my fam the whole day and i decided to leave my phone at home aft noticing how overly possessed i am over wether he will sms me or not. reckoned its not healthy to be so, mentally. but wen i got home at night, NOT A SINGLE TEXT FRM HIM!! the whole blardy day! its not like that b4 those americans moved in. or is my paranoia juz taking control over me?

i really dun wanna be like that and i've been trying so hard to stop thinking abt it. but the more i try the crazier the thots get. the more absurd. almost to a pt of utter desperation.

theres really nutting much i can do. he can cheat on me and i cant control tt fact. like how all normal asians will think, caucasians tend to go for more than 1. every time someone noes abt him, they will state tt pt, so i will def get affected. wad can i do really? better than realising now, wen we're onli 4 mnths together, then to wait till much later. yes?

no matter how i try to console myself. i'm still so scared. y muz tis happen wen i'm onli left wif 1 wk b4 flying back? 1 wk.. 7 days... anithing can happen within tis few days. wad if sumthing really do happen? all those hopes, our plans, all my looking-forward-to thots will be destroyed. n if u really do noe me, wen i do not attain those simple thots and goals... i will be very very very disappointed. VERY. crazily.

i'm at aussie not for him but to get into vet. if anithing ever happens.... it better not affect my studies. i will not let it affect my studies. getting into vet is my onli priority.

turning off my phone now...