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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

so tired.. exhausted frm 2 dance classes, 2 days strght. den it'll be the musical training the nxt day. den dancesport on thurs. fri is most prob for me to rest for awhile b4 piano class. dying.. frm all the activities.. but cut down on which? dunno... the skin on my legs kept peeling... y wont it ever stop peeling? so much skin?! y cant i improve? forever being soooo lousy.

mood swing? dunno... i'm juz so bothered wif things going on me. confused over us.. i love him.. alot... tot i'm used to all tis "gal-watching" "gal-talks" etc... guess i'm not. its normal? isnt it? which gf wants his bf to keep looking at gals.. praising them.. describing their looks? jealous? mayb... irritated? extremely... den i'll be telling myself.. accept him for who he is.. so yep.. fake front again.. oh yea.. he tells me.. dont lie to him... dont put up a fake front.. so i'll be unhappy.. den he'll say i'm sensitive.. dont understand a thing abt him.. blah blah blah.
hey! guess wad? its all abt him. all abt tinking abt him... abt how he reacts.. how he is.. wad abt me? either.. unhappy but looks fine.. or unhappy n shows it.. n be even more unhappy wen we start arguing. oh yea.. i dont understand him. juz NUTS abt him. but i love him. love someone u dont understand? yea.. tts love.. FULL STOP.

i'm juz so overly sensitive. i admit. but i dont show it. emotions run thru me.. LOADS of it... but ppl onli see it as someone cheerful, bubbly, bright smiles, cold jokes, huge laughters, shamelessly "stupid" or silly. but guess wad? i'm a loner.. i like being wif myself... i tok to no one.. i'm a lunatic. i hate my heart... hate it for being so sensitive n observant. hate my eyes for being so aware of the surroundings. hate my brain for tinking so much. juz hate everything abt myself.

ARGH. PMS!! oh nooo.. nv blame it on sumthing.. always blame it on urself. i blame myself.