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Friday, January 14, 2005
reminiscing...

megat came toking to me today aft gems. told me lotsa things... made me think alot. said wad happened b4 was the best for me.. n him. dunno if tts true, dun tink it was... didnt tink so much aft we parted, no tears shed... till today. he mentioned abt the past, how happy we were, said we were much more in control of life b4... but i reminded him how difficult it was for us, tt its much more better tis way. but somehow the more he said, something deep in my heart surfaced and i started to sob uncontrollably. dunno y i cried, dunno wad had been hidden deep in my heart, i didnt even noe tis overwhelming emotion exists. it made me realise tt nutting had changed, phsycologically; mentally. kenneth is juz pleasing to the eye and to occupy tt something in my heart. part of me is glad tt it exists, but majority of me want to hide frm it, to escape frm tis pain. its still in me, n oh how much do i wish tt i can cry it out again, to sob so much tt it wretchs my body, but i cant...

another issue crossed my mind when jack told me, "y write something tt comes frm ur heart and let ppl read it?" he got a pt here... kinda fed up trying to hide things here n there, being afraid tt ppl will read it. well.. its my blog and i can type wadeva i like. read it only wen u care, not coz wen u're some busybody or u juz wanna gossip abt me, if tts the case den f off.